


Music and Manuscripts: Soothe The Savage Beast

by CynSyn



Series: Music and Manuscripts Extended Universe [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Feels, Cute Lucifer, Demisexuality, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Hurt Lucifer, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Music and Manuscripts, Non-Graphic Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Lucifer, Partying, Please Don't Copy to Other Sites, Protective Lucifer, Recreational Drug Use, References to Drugs, Sexual Harassment, The Devil's Ukelele, The Inferno (Music and Manuscripts), safe sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:22:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24340516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynSyn/pseuds/CynSyn
Summary: A prequel and an expansion of the world of Music and Manuscripts, this is the story of Louis Eiffer, owner of The Inferno Lounge. It details how he met the residents of The Circle, the hotel behind The Inferno, and how those relationships, particularly his romance with Harriet and his friendship with Crowley, evolved.(You like demons? We got demons.)
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Dagon - Relationship, Harriet Dowling & Lucifer|Satan (Good Omens)
Series: Music and Manuscripts Extended Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755523
Comments: 60
Kudos: 44





	1. Charms

**Author's Note:**

> While this story begins over a decade prior to the events of [Music and Manuscripts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22121068/chapters/52799131), it continues until it catches up to the events in Chapter 45, where chapter 47 of the main story will continue it.  
> You all really seemed to like Louis as a character, if comments in previous chapters of M&M were anything to go on. Sympathy for the Devil, as it were. Anyway, I decided to do something special for you in how I revealed the information. Most of this was already in the plan, but I realized that if I added a bit more, I could work these things in more easily where they made sense and helped with the flow of the story itself. These side stories will not be absolutely required to read to know what is going on in the main story. They will, however, fill in a lot of context and detail about things happening. I will be posting them as they come up, and giving clear indications and linking to where they go so as not to be confusing. Once the side story completes, the main story will pick up where it left off so that you’ll have all of the information before we continue.  
> I hope you like it as much as I liked putting it all together for you. 
> 
> Some of the elements, including the title and chapter titles, are taken from The Mourning Bride.  
> Do note, however, that I’ve taken liberties with the common misquotes, as they have found a life of their own over time as well as fitting into the lore here.  
> (You can read up on some of that, if you like, on the [ Mourning Bride Wiki.](%E2%80%9D))
> 
> Music for this chapter:  
> [Sympathy For The Devil – Rolling Stones Cover by Alfatones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8FkvAItCiE)  
> [Paralyzer – Finger Eleven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD3kCxMqjuk)  
> [As The World Falls Down – David Bowie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3baQ9lj3W7E)  
> [Smile - Sixx:A.M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ_iBRuczi0)

_**Hammersmith, London** _   
_**2006** _

Louis walked into the lounge of the Inferno, as he did most evenings, taking a seat at the bar.

_Please allow me to introduce myself  
I'm a man of wealth and of taste_

A brunette entered the lounge shortly after him. He glanced up as he opened his laptop, meeting her glance. He nodded a greeting before getting back to the task at hand.

_  
I've been around for a long, long years  
Stole many a man's soul and faith_

He tapped his foot along to the music as he looked down over the ledger in front of him, double-checking the profits and losses of his varying business interests.

_And I was 'round when Jesus Christ  
Had his moments of doubt and pain  
And I made damn sure that Pilate  
Washed his hands and sealed his fate_

Louis enjoyed The Inferno very much. When his father had been alive, it had merely been a front for the shadier business dealings going on. It was a building, yes. It had walls, a ceiling, and a bit of threadbare carpet. The lights worked and there was water on tap, but that was about it. After his parents suffered a tragic _accident_ at a rival business leader’s solicitation, Louis took over. The first thing he did was to begin renovations to repair and upgrade the ramshackle husk of a building.

At the time, he had yet to turn 18 and was too young to apply for a personal or premise license for alcohol. Tapping into his inheritance, padded as it was by the insurance settlements, he managed to convince some of the existing staff to stay on and handle the legal requirements to get things up and running as a respectable business. Well, not _too_ respectable. It was _still_ a front for the core products and services available in the hotel, but it was a very _nice_ front that soon began to generate a legitimate clientele, turning its own profit.

To say he breathed new life into everything around him would be an understatement. Louis had built up an empire over the years, the likes of which his father had never dreamed of. He had few enemies, instead building up alliances to pool resources and divvy up regions in the most efficient manner. The few and far between who were stubborn, who refused to see reason, well, they didn’t stay that way for long.

Everyone had a choice, even if sometimes they chose incorrectly. As with all choices, however, consequences were sometimes involved

_Pleased to meet you  
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah  
But oh, what's puzzling you  
Is the nature of my game_

Louis took a sip from his glass as he noticed the woman who caught his eye moments before sitting down at the other end of the bar. He could see from the corner of his eye that she kept peeking over at him. Louis laughed quietly to himself as he pretended to watch the evening’s entertainment sitting beneath one of the chandeliers on stage. It was an easy enough ruse, as the refracted light against the guitarist’s hair was pleasantly distracting, shining like stars of flame.

Louis had hired Crowley to perform in the lounge around a year prior. Though Louis still didn’t know him particularly well, Louis prided himself on his exceptional ability to read people. If his considerable successes were anything to go by, it was a fair assessment. Crowley was quiet, polite, and reliable to a fault. There had been times when Crowley had been so ill he could barely speak, let alone sing, but made every attempt to at least show up to play _something_ for his shift. Each time, Louis reassured him that he would not be reprimanded for being unable to perform, and sent Crowley back to the room he lived in on the ground floor of the hotel behind the Inferno. If Crowley said he would be there, he was there, like clockwork, and that impressed Louis. He _liked_ Crowley, and felt that he had been one of his better hires.

_Now just as every cop is a criminal  
And all the sinners saints  
As heads is tails  
Just call me Lucifer  
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint_

Louis noticed movement from the other end of the bar. He smiled without looking up as the woman sat down next to him.

_So if you meet me  
Have some courtesy  
Have some sympathy, and have some taste_

“Seems awfully lonely to be on your computer in the middle of a bar. Can I buy you a drink?” She asked.

_  
Use all your well-learned politeness  
Or I'll lay your soul to waste _

Louis shook his head with a grin. “No, I’m afraid not,” he said, still looking at his computer.

_Pleased to meet you  
Hope you guessed my name_

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to assume. I’m not usually so forward,” she said, pouting. “Guess I’ll leave you to it, then.”

_But what's puzzling you  
Is the nature of my game_

Louis looked up at her with a mischievous grin. “You misunderstand,” he began. “You see, I _own_ this establishment, and I’ve already purchased everything in it.”

“Oh, is that so?” She asked with a roll of her eyes. “How do I know you aren’t lying to impress me?”

“Because I don’t _need_ to lie to impress you,” Louis replied with a wink. “You were impressed before you ever spoke to me.”

Her eyes widened as she scoffed. “You're certainly full of yourself.”

Louis cocked his head to the side, looking back at his computer screen. “You _do_ realize, don’t you, that _you_ approached _me_?” He tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his pleased smirk.

“Ugh,” she groaned playfully. “Never have I ever regretted a decision so fully.”

“What’ll you have?” Louis said, closing his laptop and turning finally to face her full-on. She seemed far more interesting than the facts and figures he had already grown bored with. He arched an eyebrow and bit his lip as he waited for her response.

“I’m not certain I should reward such cheek,” she said, lifting her chin haughtily.

“You think me giving you something from my inventory at no charge, something I could just as easily sell to someone else, would be a _reward_ for me?” He asked, intrigued with her bravado.

“I do, yes. I’m excellent company,” she said with impetuous glee.

Louis laughed loudly in spite of himself. “That you are,” he agreed. “It appears you were correct in your assessment. I would be delighted to offer you a drink, or anything else on the menu if you’d like, if you’d be so kind as to allow me.”

“Are you asking me to have dinner with you?”

He opened his mouth, then scoffed, realizing what she had done. “It’s only dinner if you decide eat something. Otherwise, it’s just a drink. No harm in that,” he said, amused at how she easily she had managed to discombobulate him so much as to flip their flirtation back around. “And for that matter,” he added, “I don’t even require that you stay here to consume it. Feel free to take up my very generous offer and go sit at any of the other tables. You’re free to choose whatever you like.”

The woman’s nose crinkled up in a way Louis found inexplicably charming. “That’s true,” she said. “Well, if I _were_ to take you up on your offer, and I’m not saying that I am, what would you recommend? What’s good here?”

“Everything is good here. That’s how I run things,” Louis said coolly. “But if you’re after recommendations, might I suggest the pomegranate martini?”

“Oh, pomegranate. That sounds a bit decadent as well as dangerous. It was a pomegranate seed that trapped Persephone, you know,” she said, leaning in to speak more quietly. “I’ve heard rumors about this place, rumors that suggest a pomegranate might mean something deeper, something more. Is it special?”

“It’s really not,” Louis shrugged. “We simply have a lot of them to use up before they turn.”

Her eyes widened as she playfully swatted his shoulder. “You’re trying to unload excess produce on me?”

“It’s a free drink. What do you expect me to do?” Louis grinned, ducking.

She sighed, contemplating her next move. “If I were to order something to eat, might you order something as well and eat with me?”

“I might, potentially, be persuaded,” Louis said casually before turning back to face her once again. “If _you’re_ asking _me_ to dinner, that is.”

Once again, she laughed in surprise. “I don’t even know your name.”

“And yet, you know where I work. Interesting,” he said, pressing his lips into a tight line in an attempt to stifle the grin that was painfully straining against his resolve. 

“Oh,” she said in disbelief as she stood up. “I see how it is,” she grinned as she turned to walk away.

“Louis,” he said quickly.

“Harriet,” she said, turning around to sit back down.

Harriet had been coming into the Inferno every few nights for about a month after their initial meeting. Louis felt a thrill each time he saw her walk through the door. He adored how she kept him on his toes, never missing a trick. She was clever, and devious in all the right ways. He was _enchanted_.

As they grew to know one another better, she explained to him that she was married to a US diplomat who was stationed in the UK, but at this point, it was merely a marriage of convenience. She played her part as needed, being seen when it was important, and that was about the extent of it. They got along well enough, but there really wasn’t much of anything there, she told him.

Louis had been a bit surprised when she said she had more fun with him than with anybody else she knew. He wasn’t surprised that she found him fun, of course. He had been laying it on quite thick, as a matter of fact. No, what surprised him was how it made him _feel_.

It had been almost two weeks since the last time Harriet had come to the Inferno, and he was growing worried.

_I hold on so nervously  
To me and my drink  
I wish it was cooling me_

He abandoned all previous attempts at a nonchalant appearance, instead sitting at the end of the bar facing the entrance directly, nursing a whiskey, waiting for the moment he feared would never come again.

_But so far has not been good  
It's been shitty  
And I feel awkward as I should_

It wasn’t a particularly busy night, one of the few nights a month that did not have live music scheduled, but he knew, _if_ she were coming, she wasn’t coming for the musician.

That was the _hope_ , anyway.

_This club has got to be  
The most pretentious thing  
Since I thought you and me_

Louis looked around, wondering what he might do, might change, to encourage her to come more often. He didn’t understand what he was doing. Why was he so nervous? It was unsettling to him, he thought, how _uncertain_ he felt. He had always been so confident, all his life, before this.

“How do people _live_ like this?” He muttered aloud, motioning for the bartender before turning back to face the door once more.

_I hold out for one more drink  
Before I think  
I'm looking too desperately_

He ran his hands through his hair, mussing and straightening it as he looked into the mirror behind the bar in an attempt to take his mind off of this ridiculous waiting game he was torturing himself with.

_  
But so far has not been fun  
I should just stay home  
If one thing really means one_

Harriet had reduced him to a sad little puppy, he realized with a whine, and she hadn’t had to lift a finger to do it.

_This club will hopefully  
Be closed in three weeks  
That would be cool with me_

He wondered if she’d even notice if he weren’t there, waiting for her. Would it change anything?

_  
  
Well, I'm still imagining  
A dark lit place  
Or your place or my place_

He lost all pretense of resolve, and every single drop of smooth, jumping up from his seat as she walked through the door.

_Well, I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I wanna make you move  
Because you're standing still_

He stumbled forward in an attempt to rush towards her. He grinned sheepishly as she laughed, taking her hand and pulling her to him.

_  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

He twirled her around between the tables with a goofy smile on his face.

“Well,” she said with a gasp and a laugh, “Someone’s certainly glad to see me.”

“Oh, you have _no idea_ how much I’ve missed you.”

_Well, I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you_

He pulled her close to him as the beat changed, leading her in something akin to a tango without breaking eye contact.

_I wanna make you move  
Because you're standing still  
  
_

“I didn’t know this place had a cabaret license,” she said coyly.

_If your body matches  
What your eyes can do_

“Life is a cabaret when the company is good,” he replied, spinning her around and pulling her close again with a devilish grin. “That may be how they do it where _you’re_ from, but that's not necessary here. Besides, I tend to get what I want in this establishment.”

_You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

After the song playing through the speakers ended, they sat down, breathless and laughing, at the nearest table.

“Where have you been?” Louis asked.

“You aren’t even going to pretend to be unbothered, are you?” Harriet said with mild surprise.

“No,” he said quickly. “I missed you, and I don’t care who knows it.”

Harriet’s head tilted to the side in an adorable pout. “Aww, you poor thing. Were you worried about me?”

“I thought, well, I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t good.” He looked down. “Actually, that’s not entirely true. I was worried you might have grown bored with me.”

“Oh, Louis, no, you are far from boring. No, Thad had some business back in the states, and I went with him. It was a last-minute thing, really. I thought it was only going to be a few days, but it went a bit long. But it’s all right, now, I’m back.” She reached over to tilt his head up. “I missed you, too,” she said with a wink.

“Did you?” He would have been embarrassed by how his voice jumped in octave had he not been so elated by her words.

“I did,” she said, looking around. “Actually, I’d like to talk to you about that. Do you think we could go somewhere a little more private?”

“Of course,” he replied. “Did you want to go to my office?”

“I think maybe somewhere a little less likely for someone to knock on the door,” she said.

“Oh,” he said. “I actually live upstairs. Would you like to come up?”

“I think I would, yes,” she replied, arching her brow as they stood up.

The ride in the lift to the top floor was quiet, but not entirely awkward. Upon reaching the penthouse level, the two exited, walking into a small hallway with a single door. “This is mine,” Louis said, reaching into his pocket for his key card.

As soon as they walked through the door, Harriet pulled his face down to meet her own, pressing her lips against his.

“What was that for?” Louis asked, a bit too dazed to process what had just happened.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks,” she said, her eyes darting back and forth between his eyes and lips.

“Oh,” he said as his brain finally caught up. “I’m afraid I wasn’t quite prepared the first time,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “Would you mind doing it again?”

“Gladly,” Harriet grinned wickedly before pulling herself up against him to get closer.

They moved about the flat, touching, kissing, and only pulling back to catch their breath now and then. Entering the kitchen, Louis hoisted Harriet up by the waist to sit her on the worktop. They continued to touch and caress one another, hands in hair, fingertips dipping beneath fabric, lips against skin.

Harriet leaned back slightly, breathing heavily. “Aren’t you going to…?” The question left her lips to hang in the air as she wrapped her legs around him.

“Ah,” Louis said, somewhat guiltily. “I’m afraid I’m not prepared for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t any sort of protection.”

“You’re out?”

“No, I don’t keep it on hand,” Louis explained. “I don’t generally go for that sort of thing.”

“Louis,” Harriet began incredulously, “I know what sort of business you run downstairs. I just assumed you had your pick every night.”

“That’s quite the assumption you’ve made,” he replied quietly. “No,” he sighed. “It’s a rare person that gives me any sort of desire to engage in that sort of activity.”

“Oh,” Harriet said, disappointment evident in her voice.

Louis pressed further against her, rolling his hips forward to prove his interest. “Don’t be mistaken. You _are_ that rare person.”

Harriet grinned, taking his earlobe between her teeth gently. “In that case, I’m on the pill,” she whispered.

“And that is absolutely _wonderful_ for you,” he said. “But as I don’t generally indulge, I haven’t bothered to have myself tested in a very long time.”

Harriet pouted, leaning back. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

“But you have no way to know that,” Louis said, “Not without the confirmation of testing. But please be assured, I’ll be making the call first thing in the morning to get that sorted. Perhaps you’d be interested in it as well?”

Harriet rolled her eyes and nodded. “I _hate_ how sensible you are sometimes.”

The corner of Louis’s lip quirked up in amusement. “And the rest of the time?”

Harriet looked up into his eyes, running her fingers into his hair to grab and pull him into a kiss. She pulled back long enough to look into his eyes. “A lesser man would have had his way with me by now.”

“As a purveyor of temptation, I’m quite knowledgeable in desire,” Louis said with a velvety growl. “It is in my nature to be immune, to resist the basal urges that bring other men down. This has been tantamount to my success.” He reached up into her hair to gently pull her head over, exposing her throat. “You, on the other hand,” he said, running his palm firmly up her side as he nipped along her neck, “I’m finding near-irresistible.”

“Only _nearly_ irresistible?” Harriet asked, pulling back slightly.

Louis grinned as he looked her in the eye. “ _Very_ nearly, yes,” he said. “But simply because I haven’t the necessary items with which to bed you _properly_ , that doesn’t mean I’m not prepared to show you a _very_ good time.”

Harriet gasped as he slid his hand between her legs. “Oh, that _does_ seem like it could be a very good time.”

Louis huffed a small laugh into her hair. “Very, _very_ , yes.”

“Louis,” Harriet whispered.

“Yes?”

“Stop saying _very_ and kiss me.”

He grinned cheekily, nuzzling his nose against Harriet’s skin as his lips found hers.

A couple of tests and several visits to the Inferno lounge later, Louis and Harriet had begun seeing one another in other settings, going out to nice restaurants, plays, movies, and more. They took walks in the park together, mostly in the evenings so as not to be too clearly seen. Louis understood why, of course. It wasn’t embarrassment or anything like that. Thaddeus knew they had been seeing one another, and essentially had given his blessing, so long as she continued to keep up her part when he needed a wife for a work event.

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and before they knew it, they had built up quite the relationship out of that simple flirtation a few months prior. Everything was so fun and playful between them. Each time they got together was better than the last.

Thaddeus was called away to another country on business, but this time he suggested she not travel with him due to the nature of the area he was visiting. Harriet decided to stay with Louis while Thad was gone.

It was nice, he thought, having her here so much more often. He knew he would be sad when it was over, but that didn’t stop him from enjoying their last night together. They could worry over tomorrow when it came, and besides, it wasn’t as if it was the end of the world. It was just Harriet going back to sleeping somewhere else again.

They giggled with delight as they raced to the bedroom, peeling each other out of their clothes with the haphazard joy of two people fooling themselves into thinking they had no worries or cares in the world.

There was a gentle urgency, this time, that he hadn’t quite noticed before. He felt more robust, more alive, and yet also very delicately fragile. He didn’t have the words to describe it, but whatever it was, he was unwilling to release it or to question it.

Both Louis and Harriet seemed to revel in how light and playful their sexual encounters had been in these wonderful few months together, particularly the week she had spent staying with him. There was laughter, fun, and incredible pleasure each time. It was freeing for the both of them, really. It was an escape, for each of them in their own way, from the responsibilities that clung to them. They could simply _be_ together in a way that transcended the drudgery of daily life. They could let go of everything holding them down and just exist as bodies in motion rather than forces at work.

It was a cathartic experience, each time, as they chased one another both literally and figuratively towards release. It was a joint effort, selflessly giving, gratefully accepting, the push-pull between them a metronome to the music that played in the background as they climbed higher and higher towards their shared ecstasy.

Louis held Harriet protectively, but tenderly, as they reveled in the afterglow. All he cared about, his entire universe, was wrapped around him and pressed tightly against him. Louis looked down, his gaze roaming across Harriet’s face before their eyes met.

_There's such a sad love  
Deep in your eyes  
A kind of pale jewel  
Open and closed  
Within your eyes_

She smiled up at him, breathing out a wistful sigh.

_I'll place the sky  
Within your eyes_

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. _I love you so much I don’t know what to do with it or where to put it,_ he thought _._

_There's such a fooled heart  
Beating so fast  
In search of new dreams  
A love that will last  
Within your heart_

Wait, _what_?

_  
I'll place the moon  
Within your heart  
  
_

He couldn’t quite pinpoint when it had happened, but for Louis, it was quite possibly the most terrifying, yet spiritually-fulfilling moment in his life.

_But I'll be there for you  
As the world falls down_

He _loved_ Harriet. He knew he was very much _in love_ with her. While that, in and of itself, was an entirely new thing, it felt so utterly familiar and comforting to him. He wanted to drown in it, to let it consume him fully.

_Falling  
Falling down  
Falling in love_

“Stay,” Louis whispered.

“I’ve really got to go. Thad’s going to be back tomorrow, and I have—"

“No,” Louis interrupted. “ _Stay_. Stay here, with _me_.”

Harriet looked at him with astonishment.

_I'll paint you mornings of gold  
I'll spin you Valentine evenings  
Though we're strangers to love,  
We're choosing the path  
Between the stars_

“I’ll give you anything, _everything_. You’ll want for nothing, ever again. Let me spoil you with riches by day and warm your bed at night.”

_I'll leave my love  
Between the stars_

“Louis, you know I don’t want or need any of that,” Harriet soothed, stroking his hair.

_As the pain sweeps through,  
Makes no sense for you_

“Our time apart, for me, is torturously spent waiting to be with you once more.” He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against her chest.

_Every thrill is gone  
Wasn't too much fun at all_

“Live with me. Stay with me.” He sighed heavily, laying his ear against her heart to look up into her eyes.

_But I'll be there for you-ou-ou_

“Love me,” he whispered desperately.

_As the world falls down_

She looked down at his face, cupping her hand against his cheek before slipping her fingers through his hair. “Is that really what you want? Would that make you happy?”

_Makes no sense at all  
Makes no sense to fall  
Falling_

He nodded, pulling her hand from his hair to kiss inside of her palm.

_As the world falls down  
Falling_

She sat up, cradling his head and shoulders within her arms. “Then yes.” She leaned down to press a kiss against his lips.

_  
Falling  
Falling in love_

“So where is she now, then?” Beelz asked as they walked into Louis’s penthouse suite at the top of the hotel. Beelz and Louis regularly had dinner together, or tried to, at least, when they both had time.

“She’s at some sort of stuffy dignitary function,” Louis explained. “It’s part of her arrangement with Thad.”

“What sort of arrangement?”

There was a knock at the door.

“Harriet plays the happy little homemaker for Thaddeus during official events and the like,” Louis explained, standing up to answer the door. “but other than that, she comes and goes as she pleases.”

“And you’re okay with this?” Beelz asked, narrowing their eyes suspiciously.

“It’s not _ideal_ , no,” Louis admitted, wheeling the room service cart over to the coffee table. “Thaddeus is here at the behest of the US government. Harriet, as his wife, is allowed to be here as well. But she’s a US Citizen.” He placed a plate of stir-fried vegetables in a sauce in front of Beelz before sitting down next to them with his own plate in hand. “She would have to do quite a bit of paperwork and get on waiting lists and all of that to be able to stay here otherwise.”

“All right, yeah, okay. I suppose,” Beelz agreed begrudgingly, stabbing their fork into the mound of food on their plate. “I have to say I’m a bit surprised, though.”

“Oh? Why is that?” Louis asked, scooping up a bit of rice and sauce before turning his attention back towards his sibling.

“I thought you didn’t go for that sort of thing,” they said, taking a bite.

“What sort of thing? What do you mean?”

“Sex, relationships, living together, all that,” they mumbled around a mouthful of food.

“Well, I certainly don’t go about it all willy-nilly.”

Beelz dropped their fork with a snort, placing their plate on the coffee table. “Did my influential, powerful, underworld kingpin of a brother just say _willy-nilly_?”

Louis glared at them, though there was absolutely no malice attached to it. “Do shut up and eat your very nice dinner. What I _mean_ is that it’s not something I take lightly. It takes a _very_ special woman, or _person_ , I suppose,” he said with a shrug, “To make me feel this way.”

“There’s a word for what you are,” Beelz said with a sigh, picking up their plate again to take another bite.

“Oh, really,” Louis said with a smirk. “And I’m sure you learned all about it in school. Go on, then. What is it? What am I?”

Beelz narrowed their eyes slightly, scrunching up their nose. “ _Stupid_.”

Louis clutched his imaginary pearls. “Oh, how very _dare_ ,” he said, absolutely and utterly as scandalized as he could muster without bursting into giggles. He reached over and smeared a dot of sauce on the tip of Beelz’s nose with a wink.

“Oi,” they said, swatting at his hand with a laugh before grabbing a napkin. “You are so _disgusting_ like this.” They balled up the dirty napkin and threw it at Louis.

Louis batted it away, waggling his eyebrows with a chuckle before tucking back into his plate.

Beelz cocked their head to the side, a hint of a grin playing across their lips as they considered their brother’s demeanor lately. “If you’re happy, then I’m really happy for you.”

Where things had been good before, they had become great over the next several months. Business had never been better on all counts. Louis had managed somehow to expand his empire, his dominion, even further. It appeared that his improved demeanor only added to his charm when it came to convincing people to go along with his plans. He didn’t even need to get his hands dirty most of the time, as things just sort of fell into place through agreeable discussion.

Louis still spent most of his evenings in the Inferno lounge, watching Crowley play while he worked on his bookkeeping and waited for Harriet to finish whatever errand she might have been on that day. He continued, night after night, to feel that bubbly, tingly feeling in his chest each time his eyes lighted upon her face and his heart skipped a beat. He remained just as excited, even after two years, to see Harriet walk through the door to come sit next to him at the bar.

He was _happy_ , almost deliriously so. It radiated off of him in waves, and was present in everything he said and did.

The bright morning light filtering through the sheer curtains lining the wall-length windows of their bedroom gently woke Louis from his slumber. He glanced at the clock on the night stand, reaching for the remote to the sound system. Carefully checking the volume setting, he ensured it wouldn’t be too loud as to wake Harriet, who was still asleep and fixed quite solidly against his side.

_As the light, washes over the morning rise,  
You're still asleep, and that's all right,_

Louis took in each ray of light as it caressed Harriet’s sleeping face. He was _happy_ here, in this space, just the two of them. He never wanted it to end.

_  
I can be still, cause you look so sweet,  
And beautiful, next to me._

Being with Harriet had been like living in the very sweetest of dreams.

_And all my life,  
I've been waiting for someone like you,  
To make me smile,  
You make me feel alive,_

_  
_He had everything he never even knew he had always wanted until it was right there, sleeping next to his heart.

_And you're giving me everything,  
I've ever wanted in life,_

Almost.

_  
You make me smile,  
And I forget to breathe,  
What's an angel like you,  
Ever do with a devil like me._

There was _still_ something missing. _  
  
  
You make me smile,  
Smile._

Maybe it was time, he thought. As happy as they had been, he couldn’t help that tickle, that _itch_ , underneath his skin.

_Still in bed, sun is beating down,  
In a hotel room, on the edge of town,  
  
_

Louis knew what he had to do to satiate that need. He looked down as he clasped her left hand within his own, lacing their fingers together. There was far too much visible skin on their ring fingers, he thought.

_  
And all my life,  
I've been waiting for someone like you,  
To make me smile,  
You make me feel alive,  
And you're giving me everything,  
Everything I've ever needed in life,_

Carefully, still trying not to wake her, he brought their joined hands up to ghost his lips across where he hoped, quite soon, there would be a ring.

_You make me smile,  
And I forget to breathe,_

He closed his eyes, overwhelmed, and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he saw her smiling back at him.

_What's an angel like you,  
Ever do with a devil like me_

“Marry me.”


	2. Heaven Has No Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Expect the unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Death Of A Bachelor – Panic! At The Disco ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R03cqGg40GU)   
>  [Possum Kingdom – The Toadies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkwD5rQ-_d4)   
>  [Didn’t Leave Nobody But The Baby – Emmylou Harris](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_wq-M7iCSE)   
>  [Marry Me (First Dance Mix) – Train](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrESyJnQu6I)

“ _Marry me.”_

Harriet buried her face against Louis’s chest. “It’s too early to talk about this,” she said, voice muffled.

That was _not_ the response Louis had expected.

“Could we perhaps discuss it later, then?” He asked her.

“There’s nothing to discuss. I’m _already_ married, and that’s that,” she said, rolling off of his side to lie facing the other direction.

“I know, but if it’s your citizenship you’re worried about, I don’t mind waiting while you get it sort—”

“That’s not—” Harriet tried to interject, but Louis kept talking.

“—ed. Or we could go to the states. I could apply for citizenship. I would do that for you, if that’s what you wanted. Of course, that wouldn’t be an issue when we got marr—"

“I’d really rather not start my day out like this, Louis,” Harriet said, sitting up. She scooted over to the edge of the bed, stepping into her slippers, and pulling on her robe. Harriet stomped through the bedroom into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Louis stared at the door in stunned silence. This wasn’t, insofar as Louis had any expectations having only just decided it moments before, how he imagined his proposal to Harriet should have gone.

He needed to take some time to figure this out.

Louis paced around, waiting for Harriet to get home. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, making certain he hadn’t missed any spots shaving. He ran his fingers through his hair, brushing back a strand here, pulling forward a strand there, in an attempt to look as presentable as he possibly could.

This was the night his life would change, after all. It was worth looking nice for, he thought.

Louis walked into the bedroom to finish scattering the flower petals along the bed. It had been a little difficult to find pomegranate blossom petals this time of year, which was unfortunate as Harriet had become quite fond of all things pomegranate ever since the night they met, but he simply couldn’t wait any longer. Rose petals, cliché as they were, would have to do.

Louis picked up the box he had placed on the dresser, opening it with a hopeful smile. He stared down at the twin rose gold bands, both lined in channel set red and purple garnets, with the smaller of the two rings boasting a rather large star ruby in the center. As he held them, he noticed his own hands shaking slightly. He turned on the stereo, hoping the music might soothe him.  
  
  
 _Do I look lonely?  
I see the shadows on my face_

He was so nervous. It was ridiculous, he thought, to feel this uncertain about _anything_. It was out of character, unsettling, and terrifying.

 _  
People have told me  
I don't look the same  
  
_His impromptu proposal had not gone well a couple of months ago. He had been fretting over it, in fact, ever since, but this time, he was asking her _properly_.

_Maybe I lost weight_   
_I'm playing hooky  
With the best of the best_

He quickly got into position as he heard the door unlock. Harriet’s eyes went wide as she walked into their bedroom, dropping her handbag in the doorway.

“All that I am, I offer to you. Marry me?” Louis asked, down on his knees, palms up, a ring in each hand.

_  
Pull my heart out my chest  
So that you can see it too_

“No.”

_I'm walking the long road  
Watching the sky fall  
  
_

“No?” Louis repeated hollowly, his throat suddenly dry as he closed his fingers protectively around the custom-made rings in his hands.

_The lace in your dress  
Tangles my neck  
How do I live?_

“I’m _already_ married, Louis,” Harriet said with a sigh. “I don’t want to do that again. But we’re having fun, aren’t we?”

“Fun?”

“Yeah, fun. This is _fun_. I _like_ being with you.”

 _But not enough to commit to me_ , he thought. “I love you so much, Harriet.”

“I know, but it doesn’t _need_ to be so serious, does it?” She cocked her head to the side, grinning at him as she reached up to brush his hair back.

“Doesn’t _need_ to be…” Louis’s voice trailed off as he was taken aback. “What do you mean _, it doesn’t **need** to be so serious_? We’ve been playing house for two years.”

_I'm cutting my mind off  
Feels like my heart is going to burst_

“And it’s been so much fun, hasn’t it?”

“This is _fun_ for you?”

“Isn’t it for you?”

_Alone at a table for two  
And I just want to be served_

“No!” Louis said with wide-eyed incredulity. “I love you, Harriet. I’m _in love_ with you. Can’t you see that?”

“Louis,” she said, reaching for him again.

_  
And when you think of me  
Am I the best you've ever had?_

“Don’t,” he said, shrinking back. “I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t reconcile how you could be _with_ me, and _live_ with me, and be happy being married to _someone else_ , but not want to _be married_ to _me_.”

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit? Maybe being a bit dramatic?”

“No, I don’t. How can you say that?”

_Share one more drink with me  
Smile even though you're sad_

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Louis,” she said, her face darkening. “But I’m starting to think this might not be so much fun anymore.”

Louis looked up with stupefaction. “Oh? This isn’t _fun_ anymore? Leading me on like this isn’t _fun_ anymore? I’d ask how you sleep at night, but I already _know_ , because you sleep _next to me_ ,” he said, angrily pointing to their bed.

“Maybe that needs to change,” she said, walking over to open the closet.

Louis’s face fell. “Back to your husband, then?”

“No. He’s no fun, either,” she said, throwing clothes into a bag. “But at least he doesn’t expect me to do something I don’t want to do.”

“Marrying me is something you don’t want to do?” Louis parroted back. “And you’re just now figuring this out after two years?”

“I’ve always known I didn’t want to marry you, Louis,” she said, angrily dumping out the drawers of her wall-mounted jewelry box into a toiletry case. “You just wouldn’t listen.”

““Right. It’s quite convenient that I bought you such nice luggage to use to leave me,” he said, lashing out purely from being hurt.

“I’d pack up a burlap sack if I had one, Louis. You know I never cared about any of this,” she said, not looking at him as she continued to put things into the bag.

He _did_ know she didn’t care about _things_ , but anger put words into his mouth. “Or _me_ , apparently.”

“Right _now_?” She said, shoving a pair of socks into the bag with more force than was strictly necessary. “The way you’re acting? Not really.”

_The death of a bachelor  
Oh oh-oh  
Letting the water fall_

“Wait, _wait_ ,” Louis said, walking over to start pulling things back out of the suitcase. “Let’s, let’s talk about this, please? You don’t have to go.”

_The death of a bachelor  
Oh oh-oh  
Seems so fitting for_

“Are you going to keep me here against my will, Louis?” She glared at him, shoving clothes back into the suitcase. “Is _that_ what you want?”

_Happily ever after  
Whooo  
How could I ask for more?_

Louis quickly pulled his hands out, dropping the clothes back inside. “Of course not,” he said, eyes widening in shock as he backed away from her. “I would _never_. I…” He slumped down to sit, crushing the rose petals on the foot of the bed, watching helplessly as she continued to pack by candlelight.

_Lifetime of laughter  
At the expense of the death of a bachelor_

The following week was absolute Hell for anyone at the Inferno who dared knock on Louis’s office door, particularly in the first half. There had been a liquor delivery, and rather than place it all in the store room, Louis wheeled a case into his office, locked the door, and did not leave for three days solid. Had it not been for the fact that the blaring music would sometimes change mid-song, along with the sound of glass bottles breaking against a wall, people might have wondered if he were still in there.

On the fourth day, he emerged, eyes red and puffy, hair a mess, face unshaven, and wearing the same clothes he had on when he went in. He walked out into the lounge, stepped behind the bar, grabbed two bottles off of the shelf, and went back into his office.

On the sixth day, he left his office to grab another bottle from behind the bar, but this time, instead of returning to his office, he went upstairs to his flat. He cringed as he walked through the bedroom he hadn’t been in since Harriet left. The rose petals, once lush and velvety, were now dried and shriveled, scattered about as they were. He put in a call to housekeeping to come get rid of the mess.

Louis turned the stereo on before stripping himself down to step into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was obviously not well, having existed purely on scotch for the past week. He ran his clippers across his face to get rid of the scraggly appearance of the overgrown facial hair. He didn’t trust his hands to an actual shave just yet, not the way they were shaking still. He wondered if a bath might help.

He ran the water as hot as he could stand it into the tub. Bottle in hand, he gingerly lowered himself into the water. A third of the way through the bottle of scotch he brought into the bath, he had just finished washing his hair when he leaned his head back to close his eyes.

“Louis! Oh, God, Louis, wake up!”

“I’m fine,” he drawled, slowly waking up. He couldn’t focus his eyes on the person above him, slapping his hands uselessly at the hands that tried to pull him up out of the water.

“You could have drowned. What were you _thinking_?”

“I was _trying_ to sulk, but thought I might have a bit of a soak while I did so,” he said, slowly but angrily, eyes still closed as coherent thought largely continued to evade him. “Now go away or you’ll be sacked.”

“You can’t fire me. I don’t work for you. Now _get up_. You’re too heavy for me to lift on my own.”

He growled as the bottle was pulled from his hand. “Give that back.”

“No. If you want it, you have to come and get it.”

He sneered, blinking his painfully dry, bleary eyes. He somehow managed to stand up, wobbling as he did so, on weakened legs. An arm wrapped around his waist, pulling one of his around a slender set of shoulders, and guided him to the bed to lie down with his feet propped up on pillows.

Moments later, he felt someone sit down on the bed next to him. “Drink this.” Louis felt the cool, smooth rim of a glass against his mouth. He parted his lips to take a sip of whatever was being offered to him. He was so thirsty he didn’t care. The plain water was somehow one of the most delicious things he had ever tasted, owing likely to how dehydrated he was. He began to drink deeply, lifting his own hand to wrap around the delicate hand holding the glass.

“Could I have some more?” Louis asked, clearing his throat upon emptying the glass. “And maybe a paracetamol?” His eyes were still unclear, and his head was pounding, but he felt the mattress shift as the person next to him stood up. He could see the blurry outline in the dim light as it left the room. He closed his eyes and put his head back.

“Louis, oh, what have you done to yourself?” He felt a hand brushing the hair back from his face, though recognition still hadn’t yet begun to trickle through the haze of confusion brought on by heat exhaustion exacerbated by dehydration and alcohol. “Open up,” the voice said, gently pinching finger and thumb on either side of Louis’s cheeks. “I’ve got some paracetamol for you, and more water.” He opened his mouth, feeling something placed on his tongue, followed by the glass against his lip once more.

Upon emptying the second glass of water, he felt the press of lips against his forehead. “You get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up,” the voice said gently, turning off the light.

It was dark when Louis awoke. He was surprised to find himself naked in his bed, with the warmth of someone pressed against his back and arms wrapped around him. Well, the naked part wasn’t as surprising, as the last thing he remembered was stripping off all of his clothes to get in the tub.

He was still fighting sleep to think clearly, but he at least could remember that much. He was trying to piece together bits of fuzzy memory to figure out what else had happened the night before.

Louis was distracted and distraught to smell Harriet’s perfume left over on the sheets of their bed, the bed he was currently in with someone he had yet to identify. Finally opening his eyes, he glanced around, noticing the petals were gone. _Oh, that’s right_ , he thought to himself. _I called housekeeping to come up and—_

His eyes widened with the realization that these were _not_ the same sheets that were on the bed before he took a bath. They _couldn’t_ have had Harriet’s perfume on them, unless…

Quickly, he shifted to turn over within the arms wound around him. He gasped a breath of relief to see Harriet’s sleeping face, lit by moonlight, on the pillow next to him.

“You came back,” he whispered, pulling her close to his chest. He kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair with his hand, and closed his eyes to go back to sleep with a smile on his face.

The next time he awoke, he found himself alone in his bed, early morning sunlight filtering in through the windows. His heart sank heavy in his chest.

“It was just a dream,” he said out loud dejectedly.

“What was the dream about?” Harriet said, walking into the room with a tray in her hands. She turned the stereo on as she walked past it.

Louis jumped, his face brightening. “You’re really here,” he gasped, sitting up in the bed.

Harriet sat down on the bed, placing the tray on Louis’s lap. “You need to eat something,” she said, picking up an apple slice from the tray and holding it up to his mouth. “You were in pretty bad shape last night.”

“You’re here,” he repeated, letting her feed him the apple slice. “I missed you,” he said as he chewed.

She looked away. “I missed you, too,” she said before taking a bite of her own apple slice.

After a moment, she picked up another piece of fruit to offer to him. He lifted his hand to grasp hers as she pressed it to his mouth. Gently, he took it between his teeth, brushing his lips gently along her fingertips. They continued to eat their breakfast together, quietly feeding one another while listening to the music from the stereo.

_Make up your mind  
Decide to walk with me  
Around the lake tonight  
Around the lake tonight_

“I’m glad you’re back,” he said, after the plate was empty and the tray had been set aside. “Are you here to stay?”

_By my side  
By my side_

Harriet turned mournful eyes towards him. “Do you _want_ me to?”

_I'm not gonna lie  
I'll not be a gentleman  
Behind the boathouse  
I'll show you my dark secret_

“Oh, Harriet, you don’t even need to ask,” Louis said, crawling on his knees to position himself in front of her. He reached to take her face between his hands, looking into her eyes. “I never _stopped_ wanting you to stay.”

_I'm not gonna lie  
I want you for mine  
My blushing bride  
My lover, be my lover, yeah_

Louis found himself overcome once more with his love for Harriet. He was so scared of saying the wrong thing, of once again asking her to marry him. It was what he wanted so very much, but for some reason the prospect of it sent her into a panic.

_Don't be afraid  
I didn't mean to scare you  
So help me, Jesus_

Rather than accidentally blurting it out all over again, he moved closer to her, slotting their lips together. He had missed her so much it had completely _wrecked_ him. He wasn’t keen on making that mistake again any time soon.

_I can promise you  
You'll stay as beautiful  
With dark hair  
And soft skin, forever  
Forever_

Harriet returned his kiss hungrily, slipping her hands up behind his neck and into his hair, pulling him down on top of her.

_Make up your mind_

Louis felt electrified and excited. Harriet was here. She was back in his life, back in his arms, and back in their bed.

_Make up your mind  
And I'll promise you  
I will treat you well  
My sweet angel  
So help me, Jesus_

Harriet was quickly divested of her clothes, though neither was entirely sure which one of them had done the honors.

_  
(hey, hey, hey)  
Give it up to me  
Give it up to me_

Frantic, they wrapped around each other’s bodies as quickly and closely as possible. Harriet bit her lip as she lifted her hips at the same time Louis pressed inside of her.

“It’s good to be home,” she said, arching her back as he began to rock his hips against her.

“Home,” he echoed. “It stopped being home the minute you left,” he said, shaking as he held her close, working their bodies into a shared, rhythmic joy. He leaned in to whisper into her ear. “Please stay with me.”

She pulled his head back up to look at his face. “I don’t want to go anywhere else,” she said, brushing the hair from his forehead and tightening her legs around his waist, rocking her hips in time with his thrusts to bring him deeper inside of her. “I need you so much.”

_Do you wanna be  
My angel?_

“Do you _want_ to be with me?” He asked breathlessly. “Do you want _me_? Tell me. Tell me you want me.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

_  
So help me!_

“Say it again, _please_ ,” Louis begged, his breath haggard, “But only if you _mean_ it. Do you _want_ to be here, with me?”

“Yes,” she said, louder this time as she gripped him tighter.

He pulled her leg up higher over his hip, bringing their foreheads together as they continued to make desperately devoted love to one another.

_Be my angel  
Be my angel  
Do you wanna die?  
  
_

“I love you, Louis,” She cried out before bringing their lips together once more, sending Louis into a full-body spasm as his release hit. He clung to her desperately as the waves overtook him, pushing his hips against hers forcefully in the process. He kept moving through his own orgasm, never stopping until he felt her clenching up around him. They remained tangled together, her legs locked around his waist as he grew soft inside of her, holding her as he buried his face in her hair.

_I promise you  
I will treat you well_

“Oh, _fuck_ , I love you so much _it hurts,_ ” Louis said, practically sobbing with joy into her neck.

  
_My sweet angel  
So help me, Jesus  
  
_

Over the next few weeks, Louis noticed Harriet was acting a bit differently. She seemed a little moodier. When she started getting sick off and on throughout the day, he was concerned.

“Are you quite all right? You seem ill,” he said, feeling her forehead with the back of his hand.

“I’m fine, Louis. Stop being such a mother hen,” she said, batting his hand away gently.

“I’m just worried about you, that’s all. You haven’t seemed yourself lately, and I want to make sure you’re comfortable,” Louis replied. “I could send for the doctor to check on you.”

“No, there’s no need for that. I’m fine, I promise,” she reassured him.

Louis was sitting at the bar in the lounge when Harriet came looking for him.

“Hiya, hot-stuff,” she said, reaching around to hug him from behind. He looked up at the mirror behind the bar, seeing her smile and returning one of his own. He took her hand, lifting it up to kiss the back of it, when Crowley walked in with a takeaway bag.

“Are you working on the schedules?” Crowley asked, placing his bag on the bar.

Harriet began to retch, untangling herself from Louis quickly to run to the restroom.

“Is she all right?” Crowley asked nervously.

“I don’t know,” Louis said, already getting up from his barstool to follow her. “But I intend to find out.”

He knocked on the door to the restroom.

“Darling, I know you said you were fine before, but I’d really feel better if you’d let me—”

“Call him,” Harriet said between heaves. “See if you can get him to come see me. Or I’ll go to him. Whatever it takes,” she said. “Now go away because I don’t feel particularly sexy right now and—”

She stopped mid-sentence to retch once more.

“And whatever is in that bag Crowley brought in, could you _burn_ it so I don’t have to keep smelling it?”

I will handle _everything_ ,” Louis said.  
  


When the doctor told them Harriet was pregnant, Louis was ecstatic, which surprised both of them. Harriet was relieved by his reaction, because even though it was a surprise, she, too, was excited about it.

He hadn’t ever really considered having kids in the past. It was something he just assumed he wouldn’t do. Other than Beelz, he hadn’t had much luck with family. Harriet never spoke of or to hers, either. But now, they would soon have a family of their own. It felt like a chance to do things _right_.

Louis and Harriet decided the baby was conceived the first time they made love after she came back. They were generally extremely careful, but things had just fallen together that morning. Harriet had still been on birth control, but it’s only so effective by itself. It’s really better as part of a joint effort with other methods of contraception.

Regardless, their child was on its way, and they couldn’t have been happier about it.

“You’re an artist?” Louis said, peering down at the open sketchbook on the table.

Crowley nodded. “Y-yeah, I uh, I draw and I paint.”

“What sort of things do you paint?” Louis asked.

“Oh, anything, really. Portraits, landscapes, whatever you like.”

“Interesting,” Louis said with a nod. “Would you excuse me for a moment?” He asked, noticing that Harriet had walked in.

“Sure. I was going to step out back to have a smoke anyway,” Crowley said, nodding towards Harriet.

Louis smiled. He really appreciated how Crowley had stopped smoking inside of the Lounge and the hotel after finding out Harriet was pregnant. It was a little thing, but it meant a lot to him.

Louis walked over to Harriet, greeting her with a kiss. “Hello, darling. And how are we doing?” He asked, reaching out to place a hand on the slight bulge of her belly.

She sighed. “ _We_ are not happy with our pants,” she said.

“What’s wrong with your underpants?” He asked, confused. “Do you need new ones? Anything you need, just get it. I don’t mind. You needn’t ask.”

“What? No, nothing’s wrong with… Not that kind of pants,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I can’t find comfortable _trousers_ that aren’t joggers,” she pouted.

“Oh, well, perhaps—”

“Nope,” she said, holding a hand up. “I don’t need you to fix it. I just wanted you to listen while I bitched about it.”

“Oh,” Louis laughed. “I can do that.”

“Eh, I’m done,” Harriet said. “I’m just here to get some spaghetti.” She kissed him on the cheek and walked over to the kitchen, holding her nose.

Louis laughed. “You ridiculous thing. You are an enchantress,” he said as he watched her fondly. He sighed happily and went back to his bookkeeping, waiting for Crowley to return from his smoke break.

Louis looked up as he heard the side door open. Crowley nodded, walking back over to the table where he had been sitting earlier to continue working on his sketch.

“I might have a job for you,” Louis said as he approached Crowley.

“Oh, I, I just want to play music. I’m not, I don’t think I’m cut out for anything else here,” Crowley said nervously.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” Louis reassured him. “No, I was wondering if you might be interested in an art commission. Can you do murals?”

“Oh, sure,” Crowley said, perking up. “What did you have in mind?”

“Harriet and I have been trying to decide what to do with the nursery, and we were thinking perhaps murals instead of loose wall art. Money is no object, of course. I’ll pay whatever you like.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “That’s a bit of a risk, isn’t it?”

Louis grinned. “Not at all. I have no qualms about you cheating me or overcharging. In fact, I’m fairly certain you’ll _undervalue_ your work, and I’ll have to add to whatever estimate you give me.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Crowley said, dumbfounded.

“I get that a lot,” Louis smiled. “Just say yes.”

Louis led Crowley up to his flat to show him the nursery space. There were a few pieces of furniture already in it, but it was mostly bare and empty. Crowley could tell the walls had been freshly primed.

“Did you want all the walls, or just a certain one, or a certain section, or…?”

“I want as much as you feel comfortable doing,” Louis replied. “Ideally, that would be the entire nursery. I have something in mind, as a matter of fact. But I don’t want you to feel obligated to anything you don’t want to do.”

“If you want the whole thing done, that’s… I suppose that depends on what you want done. What was your plan?”

“The main thing I want is a pomegranate tree on this wall,” Louis said, pointing. “Lots of plants and things on the rest of the walls. Whatever you like.”

Crowley looked around, considering. “I believe I can do that, yes,” he said. “It’ll take a while, though,” he said.

“Can you get it done by August? That’s when the baby is due.”

“Oh, yes, I can do that, depending on how much time I can get to work on it.”

“I’ll reduce your schedule to give you more time, if you’re all right with that. Nothing will change for you. You’ll still receive room and board, along with anything you’d like to eat from the kitchen. The difference is that you’d be spending more time working on the mural, which I will be paying you for. Also, I will, of course, cover the cost of materials.

Crowley nodded. “I’m fine with that, yeah.”

Crowley had been coming to work on the nursery mural for the past month. Louis was excited to see it was finally coming together after all the preliminary background work. During that time, Louis had been considering _another_ job for Crowley.

“Are you fond of children?” Louis asked.

Crowley’s eyes narrowed. “In what way?”

“In the way of a caretaker,” Louis said.

Crowley’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“When the baby is born, Harriet and I will still have our regular duties to attend to,” Louis explained. “The lounge is absolutely no place for a baby, as I’m certain you’re aware, and Harriet will still have her responsibilities as well. There will be times when neither of us can ensure his care. We’re going to need someone to help us out that we can trust, someone who knows how to stay out of trouble, to keep up with our child.”

“But surely there are services out there that can accomplish this,” Crowley said, dumbfounded.

“There _are_ ,” Louis agreed, “But I don’t _know_ them, and I’d rather not have just _anyone_ meddling in my affairs. I’m familiar with you. You know the sort of business I run. And while you don’t exactly _like_ a lot of what I do, you’re quiet and you make it _your_ business to stay out of trouble. You’ve been in my home almost daily for the past month and you’ve not tried to rob me even once, nor have you made a pass at the mother of my child. I’ve decided you’re trustworthy, and I’m happy to pay you a handsome wage in exchange for these services.”

He watched as the wheels turned in Crowley’s head. “So, you want me to essentially be your nanny, and you won’t be asking me to do anything else other than play in the lounge?”

“You won’t even have to do that anymore unless you want to. You’ll still have everything you did before, plus some.”

“Can I have some time to think about it?”

“Of course. But do try not to take too long. I’ll need to figure out an alternative if you decide your answer is no.”

It had been roughly a week since they had discussed the nanny situation. Crowley had agreed within the first three days. Louis had taken them both out to dinner to celebrate, followed by Crowley coming up to the flat to work on the mural while there was still natural light coming through the window.

Louis and Harriet stood watching as Crowley painted for a bit, transfixed. They were quite pleased with the way the tree was coming along. Though it had been pushed over to the side to keep from getting paint on it, that was where they intended to place the crib, underneath the extended branch of the pomegranate tree.

The couple excused themselves to go sit in the living room on the couch. Harriet sat down first, followed by Louis, who laid down between her legs, placing a soft kiss on her belly. Harriet smiled down at him and began to softly sing.

_Go to sleep you little baby  
Go to sleep you little baby  
Your mama's gone away and your daddy's gonna stay  
Didn't leave nobody but the baby_

“What’s that?” Louis asked, rubbing her belly as she sang.

“It’s just something I heard in a movie, but I like it. It’s like a round, if you wanted to sing it with me. You just sing what I sing right after for the chorus, all right?”

_Go to sleep you little baby  
Go to sleep you little baby_

Louis nuzzled against her belly, singing quietly along with her.

_Everybody's gone and the cotton and the corn  
Didn't leave nobody but the baby_

“Oh,” Harriet said, surprised. “I don’t think I remember the next part.”

A voice from the nursery offered the next lyric.

_  
You're a sweet little baby  
You're a sweet little baby_

Harriet smiled in Crowley’s direction and followed along, singing once more.

_Honey in a rock and the sugar don't stop  
Gonna bring a bottle to the baby_

Harriet laughed as she heard Crowley loudly slap a towel against his knee.

_Don't you weep pretty baby  
Don't you weep pretty baby_

She looked down at Louis, lacing her fingers between his, and watched him snuggle up against her stomach.

_She's long gone with her red shoes on  
Gonna need another lovin' baby_

The three of them continued to sing, Louis resting his head gently on Harriet’s lap, Harriet stroking Louis’s hair, and Crowley painting pomegranates on a nursery wall.

_  
Go to sleep you little baby  
Go to sleep you little baby_

Louis yawned, reaching his arms around Harriet and their unborn child.

_You and me and the devil makes three  
Don't need no other lovin' baby_

Louis’s voice trailed off as he fell asleep wrapped up around the tiny hummingbird beats beneath his ear.

_  
Go to sleep you little baby  
Go to sleep you little baby_

Harriet leaned her head against the back of the couch, smiling for no reason in particular other than the general sense of peace and happiness around her.

_Come on lay your bones on the alabaster stones  
And be my ever lovin' baby_

“Crowley, you’re being ridiculous,” Louis said, looking down at the number on the paper in front of him. “This is far too low for the amount of work you’ve done.”

Crowley rubbed the back of his neck, looking around awkwardly. “It’s fine, really. That’s plenty.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “It isn’t.” He pressed his lips together in a tight line as he thought about what to do. “If I were to ask you for a 300 mm by 300 mm painting, how much would you charge me?”

“Depends on the amount of work, really.”

“Humor me. Come up with a number,” Louis asked.

“Eh,” Crowley whined momentarily, closing his eyes tightly as if in pain. “Maybe £40?”

Louis huffed an irritated sigh. “I still think that’s too low, but I’ll agree to it.”

“What did you want me to paint?”

“Oh, nothing. You’ve already done the work. I just needed a base rate to figure out how much to pay you for the entire wall surface,” Louis said, tapping at the calculator on his phone. “So that comes to… Let’s just round that up to £14,000.”

“What?” Crowley screeched. “That’s too much.”

“I told you, you’ve already done the work, Crowley. I’m not returning it. I refuse,” Louis said, handing him a slip of paper. “Fill this out and bring it by my office tomorrow to get your cheque processed so it’s ready by the end of the week.”

Crowley simply stared at him helplessly.

“Take it. You’ve earned it, Crowley.”

Crowley walked into the business office only to be greeted by someone he had never before met sitting at Louis’s desk.

“Hi,” he said cautiously. “You are…?”

“Very busy,” the woman said. “What do you need?”

“Where’s Louis?” Crowley asked, taken aback.

“He had an appointment.”

“Who are you?” Crowley asked again.

“Look, do you need something or not? I’ve just started and I’m already behind.”

“Fine,” Crowley said, handing her the slip of paper he filled out the night before. “Louis told me to fill this out and bring it into the office today to get my cheque.”

“You’re,” she looked down at the paper in her hand. “Anthony Crawley.”

“It’s _Crowley_.”

“No, it isn’t,” she said.

Crowley’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Excuse me, but I believe I know my own name.”

“Not according to this form, you don’t. That’s clearly an A.”

Crowley glared at her. “It isn’t. It’s an O.”

She shrugged. “Then fix it. I’ve got enough to do without having to teach you how to write your own name,” she said, staring intently at some line of numbers on the screen.

Somehow, Crowley’s eyebrows shot up even higher. “Just who do you think you are?”

“Who I am is someone capable of spelling her own name, _Crawley_ ,” she said without looking up. “Louis hired me on to do bookkeeping. Something about needing more free time coming up.”

“Oh, yeah,” Crowley said. “Yeah, that he does.”

She looked up at him finally. “You know why, don’t you,” she said, more of a statement than a question.”

“And if I did?”

“If you _did_ , I should like to know,” she said, leaning her chin on her hands with a Cheshire grin across her face.

“Ah,” Crowley grinned back. “Astute as you are, I’m sure you’ll find out on your own eventually,” he said, turning around to leave the office with a swish of his hips and a flip of his hair.

After his shift playing piano in the lounge that night, Crowley went out to the stairwell outside to have a cigarette. He leaned back on the stairs, eyes closed, to relax.

“You’re blocking the path, Crawley.”

His eyes flickered open to look up at the woman he had met earlier staring down at him. “Oh, it’s _you_. How delightful,” he said flatly. “What are you still doing here?”

“Working,” she said. “Now _move_.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for bookkeeping?” Crowley asked. “Besides, the office is that way,” he pointed vaguely file-ward.

“I’m not working in the office tonight,” the woman said with a hint of a grin.

“You work upstairs, too?” Crowley asked.

“I’m good at multi-tasking.”

Crowley cocked his head to the side. “Really?” He said sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. If you _must_ know, my previous employer retired, but she suggested I come ask Louis if he had room for me in his roster. That’s why I originally came here. The bookkeeping was completely a coincidence. We got to talking about things, and I mentioned going to Uni for office management. He asked me if I wouldn’t mind helping him out.” She said.

“Hmm,” Crowley hummed appreciatively. “How is it you have any success with clients when you are so obviously shit with people?”

“The clients upstairs know how to spell their own names,” she said with a laugh. “And I only have a short time before my next appointment.” She sat down on the step above him. “Since you can’t be bothered to move for me to go get my own, I’m going to smoke your cigarettes,” she said, taking the pack out of his hand to pluck one out. She looked at him expectantly as she handed the pack back. “Well?”

“Oh,” Crowley said incredulously. “You want me to _light_ my own cigarette that you just now stole from me? I suppose next you’ll ask me to smoke it as well.”

“That wouldn’t do _me_ any good, now, would it?” She said, leaning forward as he held the lighter out to light her cigarette.

“Might I know the name of the bane of my entire existence?”

“You might. Might even be able to spell it, too. Only four letters, and two of them are the same.”

Crowley’s lip curled up as he shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll just call you whatever I like behind your back.”

The woman laughed. “I like you, Crawley,” she said. “The name’s Dana.”

The night Warlock was born, Louis and Harriet headed to the airbase, as had been the plan. It was rather unfortunate that the base hospital wasn’t ready, and the doctor was away. They were directed to the local hospital instead, as it appeared Harriet’s labor was moving along much faster than anticipated. Louis was so excited about Warlock’s birth that he forgot to tell anyone about the hospital change. This hadn’t been an issue, as he had already asked that any flowers, gifts, and other items be sent to their home, where Crowley was waiting to receive them as he readied things for Warlock’s arrival.

The next few years after Warlock was born were the happiest times of Louis’s life. Louis missed Beelz, but he was proud of them regardless. They were doing well, having started their doctorate program. He had his son, the love of his life, and the closest thing to a brother he had ever known other than Beelz themself.

Crowley had been staying 4 nights a week in the spare room next to the nursery, being off the other three and staying downstairs in his original room. After the first two years, Crowley rarely stayed downstairs, except on rare occasions when he might have had plans with someone, usually a gentleman caller who had seen him out with Warlock and made an assumption. That did not happen very often at all. At some point in Warlock’s third year, Crowley decided he was done with men, as the callers had generally not been as gentlemanly as he first thought. Other than that, Crowley found he was exceptionally happy as well. He never intended to love that little baby, but he never stood a chance otherwise.

Harriet had been so much more relaxed in the years after Warlock was born. She seemed happier, freer, and less pensive. Where previously she seemed to be constantly worried, now she had someone small and wiggly to focus all that attention on.

Everyone got along exceptionally well, and everything was working out in the best way possible. Louis felt happy, Harriet felt more relaxed, Crowley felt like he belonged, and Warlock was loved fully by them all.

Louis was downstairs in his office. Crowley had just put Warlock to bed before flopping down on the couch next to Harriet.

“What are we watching?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” she said, offering him some popcorn, “But it’s _delightfully_ trashy.”

“Oh, _perfect_ ,” Crowley said, settling in to take a handful of popcorn.

They watched in relative silence, occasionally making little comments and snide remarks about the people on the television.

“I can’t see how she puts up with that,” Crowley said, grabbing another handful of popcorn.

“She’s stuck,” Harriet explained. “That’s her _husband_. That’s—”

“That’s _bollocks_ is what that is,” Crowley said, suddenly reminded of a time he had heard something similar years ago at his mother’s memorial.

“What else was she supposed to do? Her family—”

“Oh, don’t get me started on family,” Crowley hissed, throwing a popcorn kernel at the tv bitterly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was a sore subject for you.”

Crowley leaned his head back with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking over at her. “It’s not your fault. I suppose I don’t really know what a _normal_ family is like, anyway.”

“I don’t think there _is_ such a thing,” Harriet said softly.

“Yeah? What about you? What’s your family like? I don’t mean to pry, but you’ve mentioned your parents are still living, and I’ve been a bit surprised no one has come to see Warlock, at least,” Crowley said gently.

“Oh,” Harriet said, looking towards Warlock’s room. “They don’t know where I am.” She turned back to face Crowley, eyes hard as stone. “And I’d like to keep it that way.”

Crowley nodded quickly. “Oh, yeah, of course. I, I wouldn’t… I…” He sighed heavily, half of a crooked smile tugging at his lip. “I’m sorry, again. I didn’t realize it was a sore subject for _you_ , either.”

“Well, you know Louis. He tends to collect the broken ones,” She said with a hint of a grin.

“That he does,” Crowley agreed. “D’you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Harriet said. “Suffice it to say that my step-dad is not a very nice man, and my mom accepts it.” She shifted around on the couch to face Crowley more fully, muting the television. “But what about you? What’s your story?”

Crowley hummed as he considered whether or not to talk about his past. He hadn’t actually told anyone this story before. He had been holding it inside for so long now, maybe it was worth letting someone in, if for no other reason than to see if it might make it easier for him to let go the way his mother would have wanted.

Crowley decided to take a chance. “Mine don’t know where I am, and I don’t want them to, either,” he began. He explained about his mother, how he grew up, and what his biological parents had tried to make him do before he packed his car to leave his old life behind.

“I think you did the right thing,” Harriet said quietly.

“You do?”

She nodded. “I don’t think anyone should have to live underneath someone else’s thumb. That’s not life. It’s being someone’s pet, or worse.” She reached up to rub at her throat for a moment as if her collar were too tight. “I couldn’t… I could never do that, live as someone else required. Not if I had a _choice_.”

“Thank you for saying that,” he said, looking up at her with nervous appreciation. “I’ve never told anyone about all of that before.”

Harriet smiled warmly at him. “Well, I’m honored that you told me,” she said, squeezing his hand gently. “And I’m really glad you’re here.”

Thaddeus had asked Harriet if she wouldn’t mind accompanying him to the US on business once again. Warlock had just started school and they decided it would be best to let him stay in London with Louis and Crowley rather than have to arrange for childcare while they were running between the events on the itinerary.

When Harriet returned home from her trip, she found Louis waiting for her outside of the door. He took the bag from her hands and placed it on the floor so that he could welcome her home properly with a kiss and a twirl.

“Where’s Warlock?” Harriet asked, grinning with delight.

“Crowley has him tonight. They’re downstairs watching movies and making _terrible_ dietary decisions,” Louis said with a soft laugh. “I have a surprise for you, but you’ll need to close your eyes first, and not open them until I tell you.”

“All right, Harriet smiled, doing as she was asked. She held up her hand to allow Louis to lead her into their home as music began to play.

_Forever can never be long enough for me  
Feel like I've had long enough with you_

She began to feel a sick sort of dread pooling in the bottom of her stomach.

_  
Forget the world now we won't let them see  
But there's one thing left to do_

“You can open your eyes now,” Louis said softly.

_Now that the weight has lifted  
Love has surely shifted my way_

Harriet looked around, taking in the red floor-length tablecloth, golden flatware, and sparkling crystal stemware, all seeming to glow by the light of the three simple candlesticks extending up from the bowl of pomegranates in the center of the table.

Louis pulled out a chair for her. “Sit, please,” he said.

_Together can never be close enough for me  
Feel like I am close enough to you_   
_You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you  
And you're beautiful_

Her chin trembled, though Louis couldn’t see it. She struggled not to cry as she whispered under her breath, “Don’t do this, _please_. I don’t _want_ to have to leave you. Not _now_.”

_Now that the wait is over  
And love and has finally shown her my way  
  
_

Harriet closed her eyes tightly, trying to shut out as much of this nightmare as possible.

_Marry me  
Today and every day  
Marry me  
If I ever get the nerve to say  
Hello in this café_

Harriet felt something brushing against both of her knees.

_  
Say you will  
  
_

She opened her eyes to see Louis, one of the most powerful men she had ever known, once again down on his knees with his palms upright and open before her. His hands rested on her lap, each holding a ring. The look of adoring hope in his eyes was enough to make Harriet’s chest tighten and her heart hurt. _You’ll never be satisfied with what we have, will you_? She thought. _We’re trapped, together, you and I. No matter what we do, we keep ending up right back here._

_Promise me  
You'll always be  
Happy by my side_

She couldn’t understand why he kept doing this. Hadn’t they been so happy all these years? This had been the family she had _wanted_ her _entire life_ , and here he was, yet again, risking _everything_ they had built back up. And for what? A piece of paper? A document of ownership paid in pretty baubles? Why couldn’t what they already had be _enough_?

_  
I promise to  
Sing to you  
When all the music dies_

“Marry m—"

“I can’t do this,” Harriet said, quickly closing his hands as she stood up to leave.

The sound of the breath catching in Louis’s chest caused Harriet to stumble as she made her way to the door. “I’m sorry,” she said without turning around as she slipped through and closed the door behind her, grabbing her previously discarded bag to take with her as she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended for this to post earlier in the week, but I got a bit distracted by a few things I had forgotten about that fell this week. (How is it already almost JUNE???) The next chapter might not be Saturday, but if that's the case, it would be likely Sunday or Monday. (Though if you wanted to, you could pretend this was the Saturday chapter a day early and the next one would just be a bonus anyway.)
> 
> ALSO... before anybody is all, "Do you know what that song _means?_ " Yes, I do. But I like the song anyway. lol (Both of them)  
> Also x2 "To die," in this context, means to have an orgasm.  
> Also x3 The towel slap is a reference to the [_Sirens_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXpRxzmawjw&t=4s)washing laundry in the river here in this retelling of The Odyssey.


	3. Harmony To Calm My Griefs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All they now wanted was to stay where they were with the Lotus-eaters, to browse on the Lotus, and to forget all thoughts of return." - Homer, The Odyssey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Edible drug use, heavy drinking, both done recreationally.
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> [Goodbye, My Lover – James Blunt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE)  
> [With A Little Help From My Friends – Jim Sturgess and Joe Anderson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk4iHdoYtDI)

The next evening, Louis sat in the living room listening to music, lost in his thoughts, when he heard a knock at the door. He opened it to find Harriet standing in the doorway. He let out a sigh of relief. “Did you lose your key card? I can get another one made for you. But that doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re home. Listen, about yesterday, I—"

“I’m going back to stay with Thaddeus,” Harriet blurted out uncomfortably.

“What?” Louis said, taken aback. “Why would you do that?”

She sighed, darkly. “He’s my husband.”

“ _I_ could be your husband.”

“Louis, we’ve been through this,” she said with sad desperation.

“Right,” he said, the glare in his eyes being the only thing holding the tears back as he looked away from her. “You’re fine with being married. Just not married to _me_.”

“Louis, don’t. Don’t do that.” She reached out for him, chin quivering as he flinched away from her at first before he leaned into her touch. “I love you so much.”

“Then don’t _leave_ me.”

She held his face between her hands, breathing shakily before kissing his lips. “I don’t want to, but we can’t keep doing this to each other. I don’t want to be married to _anyone_. But you aren’t going to stop asking. I thought… I thought things were _different_ now, I thought I was finally _enough_ after all these years, but…”

“Darling, you’re _more_ than enough. Can’t you see? That’s why I want to marry you, so very much.”

“Louis, you _know_ why I can’t marry you,” she said, her face contorting slightly as she struggled to maintain control over her emotions.

“I know what you’ve said,” Louis agreed. “But I don’t see how it applies to this.”

“Do you love _me_ , or do you love the idea of being _married_ to me?”

“I don’t understand the difference,” Louis said, sincerely confused. “Why can’t it be both? How can I love you as much as I do _without_ wanting to marry you?”

“And that’s the problem, Louis. What is a piece of legal paperwork going to prove to you that the past eight years we’ve had together hasn’t? Other than me giving up a part of who I am? A part you _know, have known_ for years, that I’m unwilling to give up?”

“Harriet, surely by now you—”

“Louis, you don’t _listen_ to me when I tell you what I need.”

Louis stared at her desperately, unsure of what to say.

“Is it me that you want, or do you just want an obedient wife in the shape of me?”

He was appalled. “How can you _possibly_ ask me that?”

“How can you possibly keep asking me to marry you _knowing_ what you know? Why can’t you respect my boundaries?”

“We’re not them, Harriet,” Louis said in an attempt to reassure her. “I’m not _him_. You aren’t her.”

“Neither were they, at first,” she said, tears falling freely now.

Louis felt his chest tighten. “Oh, my darling,” He wrapped his arms protectively around her.

“I watched her fade away,” Harriet said quietly, tentatively accepting the comfort he was offering as she laid her head on his chest.

“I know,” Louis said guiltily. “But that’s not… I won’t let that happen to you.”

“Don’t you see, Louis?” She lifted her face up to look into his eyes. “You’ve _already_ changed who I am. I _never_ _wanted_ anything serious or real before _you_. I didn’t even notice it happening until the time we were apart years ago, when I realized just _how much_ I loved you, that I was _in love_ with you. I never _meant_ to do that. I only wanted to have a good time. I never _intended_ to fall so hopelessly mad for you. You have a power over me, and you don’t even _realize_ it.”

Louis knew. He knew that in the first two years they were together, he had never once heard her say she loved him. The first time he ever heard the words fall from her lips was the morning after she had come back to find him unconscious in the bathtub. He remembered the shift in her behavior, just that morning, how things had been so different, suddenly, than before. The way she had doted on him, cared for him, was so much more tender and loving than their previous interactions. She had always been affectionate and playful, but after she came back, she was loving and devoted. When she returned to him, she made certain to tell him, and _show_ him, how much she loved him every single day.

He remembered the conversation they had, entangled together once again in the afterglow confessional of their bed. She had explained to him how when he asked her to move in with him, she had instinctively agreed to do so because it pleased _him_ , and how much that frightened her after what she had witnessed her mother going through. She told him all about how she had struggled to keep from losing any more of herself the way her mother had, and how it caused her to attempt to keep him at arm’s length, emotionally, in spite of how futile that was.

Harriet had done a lot of soul-searching that week they were apart. She admitted to sleeping with both her ex and her husband, to convince herself that she wasn’t emotionally compromised. Her plan backfired when the incredible guilt she felt afterwards only confirmed to her how very much in love with Louis she was, no matter how much she tried to convince them both otherwise.

Louis _knew_.

Louis knew _everything_ , because she had trusted him enough to finally tell him, hoping it would be enough.

But the heart wants what it wants, reason be damned. After six years of bliss together after she had returned, he had hoped she might have changed her mind. He knew it wasn’t fair of him to ask, given what he also knew of her past, but Louis was a romantic at heart, and hearts were messy things. His heart belonged to her. He covered it in precious metal and gemstone, wrapped it up inside of a box, and presented it to her, over and over again.

“I built up an entire world for you.”

“And it’s beautiful, Louis. You did an incredible thing. But I don’t want to be _trapped_ in it.”

“What? Trapped? No, never trapped. I, I love you. I don’t want to…” He felt weak in the knees and reached out behind him for a chair. “What do I need to change? I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“If that’s true, and I _believe_ it is, you’ll let me go.”

Crestfallen, Louis felt light-headed. He slumped down into the chair he had pulled out. “How can you say that?” He whispered.

“I’m sorry,” she said, eyes wet with regret. “I don’t want to disappear,” she whispered.

“I don’t want you to disappear, either,” he agreed in a hoarse whisper of his own. He ran his hands roughly through his hair. He would give her what she wanted, like he always did, because he _did_ love her, very much. If the only way he could prove that to her was to let her go, he would do so, even though it hurt. But there was one thing he was unwilling to give up, one person he _knew_ beyond a shadow of a doubt loved him back wholesale, unequivocally, _unconditionally_ , and without hesitation or qualifier. “What about Warlock?” Louis asked, gripping his own jaw tightly in his hand. “You can’t take him from me, too. I can’t lose _everything_.”

“You aren’t losing everything,” Harriet said. In an attempt to reassure him. “You still have all of—”

Lifting his stricken face, he looked to her desperately as he interrupted. “My world is empty without the two of you in it.”

Harriet pursed her lips and furrowed her brows, looking at him pityingly as her heart broke even further. She appeared to be considering something for a moment before she spoke. “We’ll work that out,” she said, reassuringly. “He needs his dad.”

“Promise me, Harriet. Please.”

“I promise,” she said, wrapping her arms around him tightly as the song changed on the stereo.

_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won_

“I won’t stop loving you,” he whispered into her hair.

Her breath hitched as she pressed her temple to his. “I know. And I love you enough that I can’t keep hurting you like this.”

_So I took what's mine by eternal right  
Took your soul out into the night  
It may be over but it won't stop there  
I am here for you if you'd only care_

He held her face in his hands, eyes darting back and forth in a desperate attempt to find even the tiniest flinch. Finding none, he leaned in, tentatively feathering his lips almost close enough to touch. He would wait for her to be the one to bring their lips together. If the reason they couldn’t be together was that he pushed her into things she didn’t want, then this had to be _her_ choice.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul  
You changed my life and all my goals  
And love is blind and that I knew when  
My heart was blinded by you_

“Louis,” she whispered against his lips, “Is this going to hurt you?”

“I’m _already_ hurting,” he said, brushing a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “We _both_ are.”

“Is this what you want, then?”

“No,” he said hoarsely. “I want _you_. I want _us_. But if all I can have are _memories_ of us, be merciful and grant me one more.”

_I've kissed your lips and held your head  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed  
I know you well, I know your smell  
I've been addicted to you_

Harriet gasped out a sob before slotting their lips together as he held her close. A sense of urgency began to build between them, not for release, but for the comfort of closeness.

_Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me_

Louis lifted her gently into his arms and carried her, one last time, to their bedroom. Reverently, they removed each other’s clothing, clinging to one another once every shred of physical barriers between them had been shed. They held one another, each wishing they could have been enough for the other, each mourning the loss of what they held within their arms.

_I am a dreamer but when I wake  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take  
And as you move on, remember me  
Remember us and all we used to be_

Louis buried his face in her neck, inhaling deeply to memorize and file away the combination of pomegranate, hyacinth, bergamot, and the soft, warm skin against his cheek. “Will you stay with me, just for tonight?”

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile  
I've watched you sleeping for a while  
I'd be the father of your child  
I'd spend a lifetime with you_

“Yes,” she said. “I’ll…” Her voice broke as she spoke. “I’ll pack my things up tomorrow.” She took his head between her hands to lift it up, looking into his eyes. “But tonight is ours,” she said shakily, “If you want. Because I want that, too.”

_I know your fears and you know mine  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine  
And I love you, I swear that's true  
I cannot live without you_

“I love you so much, Harriet,” he whispered.

“You can hate me if you need to,” she whispered back, guiltily.

“No,” he said, reaching up a hand up to stroke the back of her hair as he held her to his chest. “I can’t.”

 _Someday_ , he thought. _Someday we’ll fix this, you’ll see._

_And I still hold your hand in mine  
In mine when I'm asleep  
And I will bear my soul in time  
When I'm kneeling at your feet_

Until that time, he decided, he would make sure that she felt every ounce, every measure, of the love he held for her in their last intimate moments together. He needed to do this, to give her this reassurance. They both did, he realized.

_Goodbye my lover  
Goodbye my friend  
You have been the one  
You have been the one for me_

For what would be the last time, for years to come, they made love through the night, both wishing things could be different, that the other could understand and live with the differences between what they both needed. They wished for love to have been enough.

But it wasn’t, and it wouldn’t be, at least not yet.

True to her word, the next morning, Harriet packed away the parts of his life that were walking out the door. Crowley had dropped Warlock off so that he could get ready for his shift in the lounge that evening. Louis distracted Warlock while Harriet continued to box up the remnants of a life together, taping them up and marking them with simple phrases, like _clothes_ or _photos_ , silly words that barely could describe the churning emotions infused into the items beneath brown cardboard and black ink.

Though they had agreed to sharing time with Warlock, for tonight, they decided, partly because Harriet hadn’t seen him for almost two weeks, it was best that she take Warlock with her for the night so Louis could have some time to process everything. As soon as Harriet finished, as difficult as it was, it was time for them to leave. Someone had to be there to receive the boxes, and she wanted to get Warlock settled into his new room before it got too late, as it was a school night.

Harriet took a box with some clothing and a few toys for Warlock with her, leaving his room largely as it was, and seven boxes of her own possessions and the rest of her clothes sitting in the living room. It was a bittersweet testament to how little she truly cared for things, Louis thought, that in all their years together, she could fit everything important to her into those seven relatively small boxes. On the one hand, it was a comfort to know that she loved him for who he was and not for the trinkets he could give to her. On the other hand, though the irony that it would never _be_ on that hand at all was not lost on him, he was reminded that it was his attempts to continually give her his heart in a band of gold that had been their downfall.

Once the last of the boxes had been cleared away by the movers, Louis went downstairs to the lounge. He whispered something to the host, then walked over next to the piano. Louis gave Crowley a small smile, and politely waited for him to finish the song he was playing.

“Excuse me,” Louis addressed the audience, rapidly tapping a few piano keys to grab attention while clearing his throat in the process. He waited until most of the patrons had turned to look at him. “I’m _dreadfully_ sorry, but there has been a bit of a situation. Now, it’s nothing to fret over, but the lounge is now closed for the evening. If you could be so kind as to finish your drinks and see to your tabs within the next quarter hour, that would be most appreciated.” Louis made to leave, but turned back towards the audience. “You’ll all receive vouchers for a free drink or appetizer on your next visit, as an apology for any inconvenience,” he added.

After the last of the patrons had settled up and left, Louis quietly locked the door behind them. By this time, the kitchen staff were all standing in the lounge along with Crowley and the waitstaff, sharing confused looks and speculative chatter between themselves.

Louis made his way to the bar, stepping behind to grab a bottle off of the top shelf. He cracked the seal, opening the bottle with a flourish, and threw the stopper behind him. He took a drink straight from the neck, slammed the bottle down on the bar with a quick grimace and hiss, and smiled at the fearful faces surrounding him.

“Who else here has something they’d like to _forget_ for an evening?”

And so, the grand tradition of Louis’s Lotus Eater parties began.

With Harriet gone from his day to day life, Louis found himself spending more time fretting over everyone else. This was especially true about Crowley, who had stayed on as Warlock’s caretaker. Crowley had otherwise not really gone through too much of a shift other than where he dropped Warlock off after school some days, and having a few more nights here and there free depending on Harriet’s schedule. Crowley stayed in his own room downstairs a bit more when Harriet had Warlock, but on nights Louis had him, except on nights he was working in the lounge, Crowley stayed in his room in the penthouse with Louis and Warlock.

A few months passed, and, as tended to happen every year, Crowley’s birthday came around the corner. Louis wanted to get him something very special, something to show his appreciation for everything Crowley had done for him over the years. He wanted to make certain that Crowley knew how highly he was regarded.

While Louis was, in general, good with people, he tended to lean on gifts as a means of showing appreciation. This was, generally speaking, not a _bad_ thing, but considering that two of the people most important to him had very little interest in material items, it was a bit of a struggle that continually repeated itself over the previous eight-ish years.

After quite a bit of thought and a few memories of reactions to specific types of images in the magazines Crowley and Harriet used to pore over looking for ideas, Louis decided to visit a very specific shop. With the help of a clever sales clerk, Louis left with two bags. In one, a gift for Crowley. In the other, well, no one would blame him for letting someone talk him into a little something nice for himself, now, would they?

On the day of Crowley’s birthday, Louis had sent a pampering team to Crowley’s room, complete with a gift hamper, champagne, and cake. He was massaged, scrubbed, sprayed, smoothed, painted, gelled, and various other words that ended in -ed that delighted Crowley and made him feel relaxed and pretty.

Louis had scheduled another Lotus Eater party that evening to celebrate, and as usual, all of the employees were invited. He closed the Inferno to the public, and everyone had the night off, with the exception of some of the kitchen staff who were in charge of the food, but still invited to participate otherwise.

“Why are you so shiny?” Dana asked with a grin as Crowley walked into the lounge.

Crowley beamed, holding out his hands to show off his manicure while spinning around in a circle. “I have been _polished_ from head to toe,” he said, waving his arms up from his shining, bouncy hair all the way down to the golden sheen of his spray-tanned legs poking out of the jeans he had cuffed just below the knee.

Dana smiled. “You look quite lovely. Happy birthday,” she said, handing him a small package wrapped in pale green paper.

“This is a pack of cigarettes, isn’t it?” Crowley asked with a snort as he felt the package.

“Well, I smoke enough of yours, don’t I?” Dana answered.

“You’re going to smoke these, too, aren’t you?”

Dana’s eyes widened in delight as she nodded. “Before the night is over, most likely.”

Crowley grinned at her with a laugh. “And I’ll cherish each and every one of the offerings you burn in my honor tonight,” he said, turning around to get something to drink.

“Wait,” she said, pulling out another package, this one wrapped in the same shiny seafoam green wrap as the cigarettes. “This is the real present.”

Crowley gave an affectionate pout, carefully opening the small package. “Oh, _Dana_ ,” he gasped. “These are gorgeous!”

“I saw them in an antique shop,” she said, taking one of the sterling silver marcasite serpent hair pins from his hand. “I immediately thought of you.” She clipped one into his hair before grabbing the other to do the same on the opposite side. “They’re even shaped like your tattoo.”

“I love them, Dana,” he said, reaching up to run his fingers across one of the pins to feel the texture. “I really do. Thank you.”

“Oh,” Louis said, rushing over. “Are we doing presents already?” He waved three fingers at the man behind the bar before turning back to Crowley

Crowley scrunched up his nose, looking up at the ceiling with a shrug.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” Louis said, handing a box wrapped in silvery black scale-patterned foil and large red satin bow.

The three of them sat down at the nearest table and were handed plastic cups full of some infernal cocktail the kitchen dreamed up. He wasn’t sure what was in it, but he could smell the alcohol content from across the table. As much as he might have preferred to use something nicer than red plastic, Louis had learned early-on that glass vessels and Lotus-Eater parties did not mix well.

“I’m going to save this ribbon,” Crowley said, taking a large drink from his cup before putting it down to untie the ribbon. “I think I might use it to tie my ha—” As Crowley unwrapped the box, the words died in his throat. “You _didn’t_.” He ran his fingers over the word _Paris_ on the right corner of the brown box. He opened it to see a bright red cotton dust bag. Inside, he found a pair of black patent pumps with the iconic red soles Crowley had fallen in love with long ago.

Crowley looked miserable when he handed the box back to Louis. “I can’t accept this. It’s too much.”

“It’s not too much. It’s already done. Just take it,” Louis urged.

“What have I done to deserve something so extravagant?” Crowley asked. “I mean, I understand why you would have them. You’re, well, you’re _you_. I’m just a piano player who gets paid to hang out with a five-year-old. That’s really plenty enough for me. I’d do it for free, in fact. He’s on my level, really.”

“You’ve…” he faltered, looking for the right words. “You’re like family to me.”

“Family isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Crowley sneered, emptying his glass with a hiss. “Got no use for that.”

“Warlock calls you Uncle Crowley.”

Crowley glared at him for a moment. “Warlock doesn’t count. He’s special and rare and precious.”

Louis nodded with an agreeable pout. “That’s true,” he conceded. “Well, you’re my best friend, then.”

“Now that, yeah, o-okay. That I could do, I suppose.”

“Just take the shoes, Crowley.” Louis grinned, recognizing the win.

"Fine," Crowley growled, removing the strappy sandals he had worn to the party before taking his brand new Louboutin pumps out of the dust bag to put them on.

When the fairy cakes were served, Dana popped one in her mouth immediately and grabbed two more.

“Be careful,” Louis cautioned. “You might want to pace yourself. Those are—”

“I _know_ what they are,” Dana mumbled around a mouth full of edible goodness. “I raided the kitchen and had a few of them earlier this afternoon,” she grinned. Dana may not have been interested in anything harder, but she was a bit of a teahead, and a connoisseur at that. She could out-smoke or out-eat practically anyone and be right-as-rain within a few hours.

Louis held his hands up. “As long as you know, then.”

Distracted as he was by Dana’s antics, Louis didn’t notice that one of the kitchen staff had been chatting Crowley up instead of passing around treats. Crowley, who had already had a bit too much to drink, just smiled and took a bite of the fairy cake Devan held up to his lips. Crowley blushed when the man took the rest of the cake and popped it in his own mouth, sucking the crumbs off in an extremely suggestive manner.

“I’ll talk to you about that later, _maybe_ ,” Crowley said, both scared and excited at the proposition presented to him. He turned, making a conscious effort to swing his hips, though it wasn’t like he could _stop_ it, given the nature of how spines worked vs his own collection of beads rolling around on a wire, as he walked back over to the stage where Louis and Dana were sitting in the floor. He plopped down in between them. “Ssso what are we doing?”

"Oh, nothing much right now," Louis said, leaning back against the wall with his hands behind his head. "I figure we'll just see where the mood takes us all."

Crowley nodded. "Sounds about right."

"You know how I get on," Louis replied.

Dana, on a fifteen-second delay, eventually looked up at Crowley to answer. “Louis thinks I can’t handle my cake.”

“I didn’t say that!” Louis said in a high-pitched whine as he lifted back off the wall to look at her. “I just said to be _careful_ with them! They're a bit strong.”

“They aren’t _that_ …” Dana looked around for a moment. “Hmm?”

“Hey, Crowley!” Devan called from across the room. “How old are you today so I know how many spanks you need?”

“Spanksss?” Crowley squeaked with embarrassment. “What are you on about?”

“It’s a birthday tradition where I come from. Might have to take you over my knee and—”

“Spanks?” Dana asked, still on a delay. “Who needs to be spanked?”

“Nobody is getting _spanked_ ,” Louis said. “Not without prior arrangements, anyway.”

“That’s how my old boss did things,” Dana said, slowly starting to reenter the same timeline as everyone else.

“So?” Devan asked again. “How old are you?”

Dana came to life right then. “Crowley is—”

“Almost two years _younger_ than Dana,” Crowley crowed out with a laugh through a shit-eating grin as Dana’s mouth closed with a snap.

“Now _no one_ is going to find out but me,” Louis laughed, leaning back to pick up the ukulele he brought over to the stage where they were sitting in the floor.

Crowley reached for the ukulele, surprised when Louis held it out as far out of reach as he could get it.

“No, no, no! This is mine. You aren’t the only one with the gift of song.”’

“You can’t sing,” Crowley snorted.

“I _can_. It’s not going to be particularly _good_ , but I can if I want to. I have the capacity to do so, mister, mister wishes-he-were-Freddie-Mercury.”

“Oi! I’ll not have you take Our Lord and Savior Farrokh Bulsara’s stage name in vain!”

Louis leaned back in surprise. “Fine, but you’re _still_ not getting my ukulele.” He looked out at the group of his employees milling about drinking, nibbling, and having a good time. “All right, everyone!” He shouted out to get their attention. “Eyes on the stage, please. It’s time to serenade the birthday person!”

“What?” Crowley turned to look at him.

“You heard me,” Louis said with a raise of his eyebrows. “I’m going to sing to you. Prepare yourself, Crowley. Prepare to be sung to.”

Crowley looked down at himself in confusion. “I don’t know how to do that,” he said solemnly.

“I think you just have to sit there,” Dana offered helpfully while also offering another fairy cake.

“No one has been up here since we sss-sat down,” Crowley asked, confused. “How do you keep getting those?”

“I have my ways,” Dana said, smiling roguishly as she took a bite.

“Yes, if you two are quite done,” Louis said, “I’d like to get on with it the deeds of the day.”

“Right, of courssse,” Crowley said, trying to look very serious. “Deeds.”

_What would you do  
If I sang outta tune?  
Would you stand up  
And walk out on me?_

“Never,” Crowley said, struggling to take the end of his silly straw between his lips before giving up and throwing the straw across the lounge. He then took a drink directly from the cup itself. “You _can’t_ sing. No one else would be _left_.”

Louis took a breath to sing the next verse, stopping as he realized what Crowley had said. “That’s not very nice.”

“It’ssss really not!” Crowley said, wide-eyed with worry. “They shouldn’t walk out on you like that. But I would never do that to you. I would ssstay and listen, if you, you know _, sang outta tune,_ and whatnot. Which you _will_. But that’sssokay,” Crowley said, patting Louis’s shoulder.

Louis rolled his eyes and continued.

_Lend me your ears  
And I'll sing you a song  
And I'll try not to sing  
Outta key_

“He’ll fail!” Crowley stage-whispered to Dana. “He’s already doing it. But he means well, so we put up with it.”

“Oh!” Louis remarked before continuing to sing.

_I get by with a little help from my friends_

Crowley chimed in to sing along.

_He gets high with a little help  
From his friends_

Louis grinned, continuing to sing.

_Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

_What do I do when my love is away?_

Crowley looked at Louis with a pout.

_Does it worry you to be alone?_

Louis shrugged as he continued to strum.

_How do I feel by the end of the day?_

Crowley tilted his head to the side to sing the question he had been too scared to ask outside of a lyric.

_Are you sad because you’re  
On your own?_

Crowley tapped his foot to the beat while Louis nodded head.

_I get by with a little help  
From my friends_

Crowley pointed to Dana.

“Oh, no. I don’t sing,” She said, covering her mouth to keep the bite of fairy cake she had taken right before from falling out.

With a shrug, Louis started playing again while he and Crowley sang.

_Yeah, I get high with a little help from my friends_

_Oh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

Crowley turned to Louis.

_Do you need anybody?_

Louis closed his eyes to sing the next lyric.

_I need somebody to love_

Crowley put his hand on Louis’s shoulder theatrically.

_Could it be anybody?_

Louis shook his head no as he sang.

_I want somebody to love_

The pair had somehow managed to sway their heads side to side in unison, singing together.

_Would you believe in a  
Love at first sight?_

Crowley dramatically lifted his clasped hands up to his cheek as if he were a damsel in delight.

_Yeah, I'm certain that it happens  
All the time_

Dana, still quiet, eyed the pair of them with fond criticism as they sang together.

_What do you see when you turn  
Out the light?_

Louis laughed.

_I can't tell ya,  
But I know it's mine_

They were both getting really into the song at this point.

_Oh, I get by with a little help  
From my friends_

_Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends_

_Oh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

Louis suddenly became a Ukelele Hero, and he was ready to achieve Star Power to match the enthusiasm with which the two sang.

_Do you need anybody?_

Crowley closed his eyes briefly, clutching a hand above his heart before meeting the eye of someone across the room.

_I need someone to love_

While Crowley returned the wink he received from a face in the crowd, Louis strummed so hard on the ukulele that he fell over. Although, to be fair, it was more likely due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed that he lost his balance. Crowley helped Louis sit back up before they continued to sing.

_  
Could it be anybody?_

The both of them went silent momentarily when they realized Dana was staring at them as if she couldn’t fully process just how incredibly ridiculous they were.

Not to be dissuaded, the two looked to one another, took a deep breath, closed their eyes, and continued to belt out the song even louder than before.

__

_Oh! Ooooooooohhhhh!!!_

Crowley performed a wicked air-drum solo on Dana’s knees after Louis aggressively played the ukulele.

“Sing it if you know it!” Louis shouted out to his Legion of the Damned, waving his ukulele like a scepter. A discordant, yet joyous clatter arose, filling the entire lounge with laughter and song as a few people grabbed instruments from the stage to play along.

_Have a little help from my friends  
Have a little help from my friends_

Crowley smiled at Louis happily, raising his glass to him.

_  
Try a little help from my friends  
Have a little help from my friends_

Louis smiled as he looked out into the crowd, then back to Crowley and Dana.

_I get by with a little help from my friends, with a little help  
From my friends_

The entire lounge burst into intoxicated applause, and that’s when the party had just begun to tick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up needing to split this chapter into two based on the size it grew into as I was connecting plot points together. And I also thought maybe we could have one that ended on a high note. They've been through so much already, so I figured, why not?


	4. Like Love To Hatred Turn'd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall of Louis Eiffer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna sugarcoat it. This one is gonna _hurt._  
>  CW: Discussions regarding past issues regarding sexual activities, but nothing noncon. Just poor decision making and selfish people. Mention of blood, but after the event. VERY brief instance of sexual harassment.  
> (These are things that were mentioned/hinted at in the main story, though people were not named, so as long as you've read Music and Manuscripts, you should be aware of them (Unless you forgot, which happens).
> 
> [Love Is A Losing Game – Amy Winehouse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhHsjZZpF7s)  
> [Right By You – John Legend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYbODqVQluM)  
> [Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR0f3qtadjg)

“What’s your, uh, policy on…“ Crowley’s face contorted momentarily, obviously struggling as he spoke. “Never mind,” he shook his head.

“Crowley,” Louis said kindly, “Whatever it is, just ask.”

Crowley groaned out a sigh, working his way up to the first word that came to mind. “Fr-fraternization.”

Louis laughed. “You can do what you like.”

“Yeah?” Crowley asked, slightly surprised.

“I’m not necessarily going to say that to just anyone, but you needn’t worry about it,” Louis confirmed. “Why? Did you have someone in mind?”

“Weeeeeeeeell,” Crowley drew the word out as he tilted his head side to side. “There might be. S-someone in the kitchen keeps asking me if I might like to get together sometime, yeah.”

“Like on a date?”

“Maybe,” Crowley said, his cheeks going red.

Louis stopped mid word, pulling his head back to look at Crowley with amused bewilderment. “Oh, _really_? So, you’ve decided _not_ to give up on men entirely, then?”

Crowley let out a high-pitched whine as he covered his face in his hands. “Well, I’m still on the fence about that. But he seems to be interested in me enough that he’s been trying to get to know me for quite some time now. _That’s_ at least different. And he knows what’s under the hood, so to speak, so there’s no surprises or awkward conversations there.” Crowley sighed heavily. “Maybe, maybe things will be different this time.” The corner of his lip quirked up as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Different how?” Louis asked.

“Eh, don’t… Don’t worry about that,” Crowley said. He really didn’t want to go into any more detail than he already had when it came to his love life. Well, he wouldn’t specifically call it that. More like a series of misunderstandings, terrible decisions, and painful mistakes. This conversation was already awkward enough without adding that he thought something was fundamentally wrong with him that he _wanted_ sex even though he did not enjoy _having_ sex. Crowley, at this point, had begun to actively dislike it. _Other_ people seemed to enjoy sex very much. Louis had an entire book of business based on this fact.

It wasn’t _just_ that he wanted sex, either. Crowley was lonely sometimes. He had people in his life he could talk to, sure. He liked spending time with Louis and Dana, especially. But he wanted something _more_ , a deeper connection with someone. He wanted to be _wanted_ , to be someone’s one and only, and he had _known_ he wanted this for as long as he could remember. Regardless, Crowley was still trying to figure everything out.

Louis grinned. “Ah, I see. Well, what happens between two consenti—”

“Ugh,” Crowley groaned, rolling his eyes. “I knew I said too much.”

“Still,” Louis mused, “It’s surprising to me, given how adamantly you’ve refused to date in the recent past, not that I’m complaining, mind.”

“Well, I’m _curious_ ,” Crowley replied, which was only half correct. He figured if every other time had been so confusing, maybe this would give him a more definitive answer. At least this way, he’d _know_ before he gave up on love and sex forever.

Crowley wrapped himself up tightly in his sheet, staring at the door that had just closed.

_For you I was the flame  
Love is a losing game  
Five story fire as you came  
Love is losing game_

He rubbed his eyes, letting out two quick breaths in an attempt to keep himself together. He felt so used and miserable... And sore.

_One I wished, I never played  
Oh, what a mess we made  
And now the final frame  
Love is a losing game_

“This was a mistake,” Crowley whispered into the stark emptiness of his room as the stereo continued to play. “I can’t do this again.” He stared up at the ceiling from where he remained in his bed, his tears turning hot and angry.

_Played out by the band  
Love is a losing hand  
More than I could stand  
Love is a losing hand_

Crowley wondered why the men he had slept with, both tonight and in the past, were always so aggressive with him. Was this just how it was supposed to be?

_Self-professed profound  
Till the chips were down  
Know you're a gambling man  
Love is a losing hand_

He wondered about his sexual preferences in who he was attracted to. He knew gender was a construct, and found beauty in all sorts of people, but he had only ever had any _sexual_ interest in other penis-havers. But even if he _did_ have an interest in any other configurations, he was too horrified at the prospect of making anyone else feel the pain he felt right now to be comfortable doing anything about it.

_Though I battled blind  
Love is a fate resigned  
Memories mar my mind  
Love is a fate resigned_

As much as he hated to do so, Crowley decided it was time to let go of silly notions. Not everyone gets their happily ever after, if his own life had been any indication, and the sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could stop feeling this way.

_Over futile odds  
And laughed at by the gods  
And now the final frame  
Love is a losing game_

Try as he might, Crowley couldn’t get comfortable. Not only was he physically aching, but mentally, he wanted to be anywhere but in a room that still smelled of sex and regret. “I can’t be in here right now,” he said, closing his eyes tightly to hold back the tears once more.

Crowley carefully sat up in the bed, being careful not to aggravate the parts of his body that were currently more sensitive than the rest.

He looked at the nice clothes he had picked out to wear tonight, cast aside and crumpled in the floor. _I actually wanted to look pretty for him_ , Crowley thought bitterly as he limped over to pick them up, shoving them angrily into his laundry hamper.

Crowley grabbed a pair of shorts and a tee shirt to put on. As he turned back around, he noticed the bed. His stomach turned at what he saw on the sheets where he had been sitting. He looked down between his legs with a doleful sigh.

He needed a shower, but he didn’t want to stay in the room any longer than he had to. He grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms and threw those on, along with another tee shirt. Crowley stepped into a pair of sandals, grabbed his key cards, and quietly left the room with a change of clothes under his arm.

Crowley hoped Louis would still be in the Lounge or the office so he wouldn’t see him like this. Crowley snuck through the hotel, ducking into hallways and alcoves whenever he heard someone approach, until he got to the lift that ran straight up to Louis’s flat.

The first thing Crowley did upon entering the empty flat was to shower. He stuffed the blood-stained pajama bottoms into the tee shirt he had worn on the way to the flat, then shoved that bundle into a laundry bag. Crowley scrubbed himself aggressively, as if he could remove the past along with the top layer of skin. He stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, then got out, wrapping himself in a robe and his hair in a towel.

Louis, upon entering his flat after finishing his work, heard a noise coming from Crowley’s room.

He knocked on the door, waiting for Crowley to invite him in. Louis’s shoulders slumped when he saw Crowley lying on his side, eyes puffy and red.

“What happened?” Louis asked softly as he entered the room to sit down next to Crowley on the edge of the bed.

“I was _wrong_ ,” Crowley said quietly. “He wasn’t really interested in _me_. It wasn’t a date. He didn’t want to go out.” Crowley looked away with a pained grimace. “And he brought _a friend_ along.”

Louis paused to process what he had just been told. “Oh, _Crowley_."

“Don’t,” Crowley said, sniffing and rubbing the heels of his hands across his eyes. “Don’t do that. I don’t want your pity. I’m the one that _agreed_ to it.”

“But you didn’t know that’s what he wanted,” Louis reasoned. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Doesn’t matter, does it?” Crowley kept his head down as he spoke, a tear sliding down the side of his nose. “I may not have known when he _asked_ me, but I knew when he showed up. He told me what he wanted to do to me, and I said yes. I told him,” Crowley sneered as he corrected himself, “Told _them_ that I was okay with it. I said yes.”

“You know that just because you agree to something, that doesn’t mean you can’t back out of it. You don’t owe anybody—”

“Yes, I _know_ that,” Crowley snapped at him. “I, I’m sorry. I, uh, yeah. I do know that. But they were already there, and I didn’t think…” Crowley closed his eyes and leaned his head back with a sigh. “Yes, I did. I _did_ think. I knew it was going to be like every other time. But I hoped it wouldn’t have been. I thought that maybe, with the two of them, it might have been different, somehow. I was _curious_ ,” Crowley hissed. “Not that curiosity ever got me anything _good_.”

Louis tilted his head to try to see Crowley’s face. “If you were curious, you know you could always come to me. I could put you in a position where you had all the control, so you could be as comfortable as possible while someone took care of you. You could have your pick of my entertainers _or_ my clients. No confusion over expectations. Just fulfilling a need. I _still_ could, if you—"

Crowley turned towards Louis, his face stricken and pale as he quickly cut Louis off mid-sentence. “I don’t _ever_ want to do that again.”

Louis’s face darkened as the implications in Crowley’s reaction washed over him. “Did they hurt you?”

Crowley turned to look away. He didn’t want to have to explain that it hurt _every_ time. “I’ve already said too much.”

“I need their names, Crowley,” Louis said gently.

“Just, I don’t want to talk about it anymore, please. But can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to go back to my room right now. I can’t be in there. I, I can’t.”

“Of course. Anything you need,” Louis said. He reached over to pat Crowley’s shoulder reassuringly, only to pull his hand back quickly when Crowley flinched and buried his face further into the pillow.

Jaw clenched tightly, Louis considered for a moment before speaking. “Is there anything I can get for you? Are you hungry?”

Crowley cringed and grunted his disapproval. “I don’t think I could stomach anything to eat right now.”

“A drink, perhaps?”

Crowley’s head lifted from the pillow slightly. “That, I could do with.”

Louis smiled gently at him before standing to go fetch a bottle from his personal supply. He returned to the bedroom with a glass and an unopened bottle of Talisker. “Got your favorite. I’ll set it on the side table here. I need to go take care of a few things, but I’ll be back.”

Crowley nodded as he lifted up enough to reach over towards the bottle, ignoring the glass.

Louis frowned, not at Crowley’s action, but at the reason behind it. He paused for a moment, lingering in the doorway, before going downstairs.

There were things to attend to.

Louis entered Crowley’s room with his master key, mind racing with concern over what he might find there. He needed to have a look around before housekeeping came in the morning. It wasn’t like him to invade someone’s privacy, especially not someone he was close to, but in this case, he felt a responsibility to Crowley and everyone else who worked for him right now.

At least one of the two people that sent Crowley into the state he was in worked for Louis. If certain things had happened, if there were _any_ signs of struggle or reason to believe without a shadow of a doubt that there had been resistance of any kind involved, Louis would have to find out who it was and have them removed. He absolutely would not tolerate that sort of behavior from any of his employees or clients.

Louis turned the light on to look around. Crowley was fastidiously neat in general, and it was evident in his room. A quick look-around suggested everything seemed to be in place, even without necessarily knowing what that place was supposed to be, based upon what appeared to be a careful placement of items around the room. The items on display were neatly spaced and positioned just so.

Louis let out the breath he had been holding since entering the room and relaxed a bit. Nothing looked out of place or disturbed, except for the bed itself. That much, he largely expected. He was not, however, expecting to find blood stains in the center and on the edge of the bed upon pulling the sheets back. It wasn’t a lot, obviously not a large wound, but it was enough that it upset him.

Crowley appeared physically unhurt when Louis found him upstairs. There was a possibility the blood belonged to one of the two men who had been with Crowley tonight, he considered. However, if this were Crowley’s blood, the wound would likely be concealed by Crowley’s clothing. Louis had a reasonably good idea of where it had come from.

Crowley never gave him a name, but had told Louis that someone had been flirting with him all night at his birthday party. Louis tried hard to remember who that might have been, but he had been so terribly intoxicated between the food and drink, he barely remembered any of that night. He was so _angry_ with himself. If he had just stayed sober, he would have already had everything figured out. Maybe he could have prevented this to begin with.

Louis decided, while staring at the red shades of regret smeared across the sheets, that he would never again allow himself to indulge at his own parties, nor would they be open to just anyone. He had to keep vigil to keep everyone safe. His inner-circle of friends trusted him enough to allow themselves to be vulnerable in his presence. They were too important to him to let them down again.

If Crowley didn’t want to talk about this, that was Crowley’s right. Louis would protect his privacy and respect his decision. He would do what he could to avoid anyone _else_ asking questions, and he would not push with questions of his own. But he _would_ do his level best to be there for Crowley in the event he changed his mind.

Louis quietly left the room and went down the hall to where the housekeeping supplies were located. He rummaged around looking for new pillows and linens, and a large plastic bag. He returned to Crowley’s room, placing the clean bedding on the table. He stripped the bed of the soiled linens and pillows, stuffing them all into the plastic bag, before setting it to the side. Carefully, he took the new linens and made the bed, nice and neat, as if nothing had ever happened.

Louis pressed as much air from the bag as he could, collapsing it into a much smaller mass, before tying it off. He walked over to the lounge, entering in through the back entrance, and headed straight for his office. Pulling out a cardboard filing box, he quickly set it up and wrote the date on the outside in the space provided. Louis placed the bag of bed linens inside of it. He put the lid on top and wrapped the entire box in tape to keep it closed. Unlocking a storage closet door in the back of his office, he stepped inside and placed the box on a shelf next to a few other file boxes, though none of them had been taped shut. They all contained actual business files. He left his office, locked the door behind him, and went back upstairs to see to Crowley.

Louis and Dana were in the office preparing for a new hire in the kitchen when Crowley came into the office.

“Don’t mind me,” Crowley said. “I’m just checking the schedule to make sure I’ve got the right nights down. Oh, and if you could, Louis, I’ll need to be off next week after the one coming. We’ve got Warlock.”

Louis’s eyes darted up. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Crowley said, covering up most of the calendar with his hand to see his own name between two fingers so he could focus on where the time slot was listed. “I figure if you need me in a pinch, I could go cover and you could watch Warlock, but it’s your call.”

“No, no, you’ll be off. I’ll make certain of it,” Louis said. “Is everything…?”

“Oh, yeah,” Crowley replied awkwardly. “Yeah, they just have to head to the States for something. Thad’s got some sort of review… Thingy.”

“Ah,” Louis said, looking up as the new hire walked through the door.

“Hi,” he said, walking over to shake Louis’s hand.

Crowley stiffened momentarily at the sound of the man’s voice.

“You must be Gareth,” Louis said, handing him a stack of papers. “This is your onboarding packet. Ms. Gowan and I will be going over this information with you. If you would, please have a seat.”

Cautiously, Crowley slithered along the wall as quietly and sneakily as possible towards the exit, not turning around or speaking.

Louis watched Crowley’s reaction curiously before turning his eyes back to the new hire, otherwise occupied by the paperwork in his hand. Something didn’t set right with that, but he needed a bit more information before he felt confident in his thought.

When Harriet returned from the states, she came to speak to Louis in person. She explained to him that Thad was being recalled to the US in the next few weeks, and that she and Warlock would be going with him.

“Oh, no, that won’t be happening,” Louis said. “Warlock will stay here. You can do as you like otherwise.”

“Louis, I’m his mother,” Harriet said with a frown.

“And I’m his father,” Louis replied.

“Maybe,” she said quietly.

Louis remembered that she had also slept with Thaddeus around the time she became pregnant. He remained unfazed, confident that Warlock was his regardless. “If it makes you feel better, I’m happy to submit to paternity testing,” Louis said.

“You can if you want,” Harriet said with an irritated sigh, “But I’m not leaving my son behind when I go back to the US. But I understand where you’re coming from, Louis. I do. He can stay here with you so you can spend as much time as you like with him before we leave.” She stood up and walked to the door of Louis’s office. “But we _are_ leaving, Warlock and I,” she said as she walked away.

Louis couldn’t help but notice how Crowley had been avoiding the kitchen lately. Where he used to hang out in there and talk to the staff while taking his meals, he hadn’t eaten anything from the kitchen in a few weeks, instead bringing in takeaways from elsewhere or cooking in the kitchenette of his room. Louis found out why one night while working at the bar during one of Crowley’s shifts.

“Just leave me alone, Gareth,” Crowley said to the most recent new hire in the kitchen. “At least Devan has the good grace to _pretend_ like he doesn’t know me now.”

“But I _don’t_ know you, now, do I?” Gareth said with a toothy grin. “You didn’t have a lot of time to talk when we first met, now, did you?” He winked at Crowley, looking him up and down.

“ _Fuck_ you,” Crowley said, turning around to walk away.

“Is that a promise?” Gareth said with a laugh as he walked back into the kitchen.

Louis’s eyes narrowed as he stood up from his seat at the bar and began to walk towards the Employees Only door leading to the kitchen.

“Louis, don’t you _dare_ ,” Crowley hissed, realizing that Louis had overheard his conversation.

“It was Devan and Gareth, wasn’t it? They’re the ones who—”

“Just _leave it alone_.”

“I can’t have this sort of thing happening to my employees,” Louis said. “But more importantly, I won’t allow _you_ to be treated like that.”

“Louis, _please_ ,” Crowley asked, eyes wide with panic. “Let it go. I don’t want you to do anything. I don’t want any more trouble. I just want to forget it ever happened. If you sack them, they’ll know it was because of me. I don’t want to deal with the fallout.”

Louis clenched his jaw as he looked back and forth between Crowley’s eyes. All he saw was fear and concern within them.

“Please,” Crowley begged. “Please don’t do anything.”

Louis exhaled a long, loud breath through his nose, but said nothing further and sat down once more to continue working on his profit and loss reports at the bar.

Louis and Warlock sat together in the rocking chair in his room, as they often did, before bedtime.

“Your Uncle Crowley tells me I can’t sing, so—“

“Uncle Crowley’s _real_ smart, Daddy,” Warlock said happily.

Louis laughed. “That he is.” He brushed Warlock’s hair back with his hand, pressing a kiss to his son’s forehead. “Anyway, as I was saying, I can’t sing to you, but I would still like to spend some time with you.”

“Good,” Warlock said, snuggling up in Louis’s lap.

This was one of Louis’s favorite things in the world, listening to music with Warlock.

_Will you live like me, in a world run by desire?  
Will you wake from worldly dreams and not be tired?  
Will you work like me to lift the conversation higher?  
Will you be cool like water putting out the fire?_

Louis marveled at how wonderful the child in his arms was. Not a day went by that he wasn’t excited about the next time he would see Warlock.

_How can you be free from all this sorrow?  
Will the ones you love today be gone tomorrow?  
And if angels don't have answers to your prayers  
Oh, I will be there  
Oh I will be there_

Louis gently rocked the both of them in the chair. He knew he would miss this time when Warlock was all grown up, so he had to cherish it now.

_And if who you love don't want your love, what then?  
Do you cut a deal with love and run again?  
You see, love contains the meaning of despair_

Louis sighed, stroking Warlock’s hair as he looked up with a pained expression. They had been a family, once, Louis remembered fondly. He missed that, so much. He missed _them._

_Will you think like me? Will you have your mother's fire?  
Maybe the way we are will not be how you're wired_

Louis wanted so much better for Warlock than to run an underworld empire. He knew it would be Warlock’s choice, of course, but he hoped to encourage him to follow in Beelz’s footsteps, getting an education and making something better of himself, rather than his own. He wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed by his life, not at all. But he wanted _more_ for his son.

_Will we do right by you? Will you have what you require  
To make your days on this Earth be not so dire?_

Maybe when Warlock was old enough, he could take over the bar and the hotel anyway. Perhaps Warlock could turn The Circle Hotel into something great, earning a legitimate profit the way Louis had done with The Inferno Lounge. Wouldn’t _that_ be something, Louis thought wistfully.

_Can you choose to lead if no one follows?  
And if we fell today, must you tomorrow?_

Louis looked down proudly at the little boy in his lap. _If anyone can do it, it’s you,_ he thought.

_Sanctify your answer not your prayer  
Oh, I will be there  
Yeah, I will be there  
Yeah, I will be there_

Though Warlock had already fallen asleep, Louis was not yet ready to put him to bed. He wanted more. He wanted all the nights and days and minutes and hours. He wanted the all of the springs, summers, winters, and falls. He wanted _everything_ , and it was never enough. He always wanted _more_ when it came to Warlock.

_And even when it all becomes too much  
When you're growing old and feeling out of touch  
Ooh, listen to this song and just take care  
And know that I will be there_

Louis leaned his head back, closing his eyes as he continued to rock the softly snoring child in his arms.

“Normally, I might be a bit hesitant to use the law firm my father preferred,” Louis stated, “Given the delicate nature of what’s at stake here.”

Baddicombe’s face fell slightly.

“My father retained your services for the same reason I do. You go for the throat by any means necessary. While I respect that in general, that is not the sort of behavior I’m looking for in this specific case, hence my concern.”

Baddicombe made as if to stand up. “I understand, Mr. Eiffer. Though I do hope you’ll consider our firm again in the future should any needs arise.”

“ _However_ ,” Louis continued, motioning for Giles to sit back down. “One of my entertainers, Mistress Spiddon, has given you quite the glowing review, character-wise.”

The man before him beamed. “Has she?”

“Yes,” Louis confirmed. “She’s quite taken with you, it would seem. And anyone who treats my people well is treated well in turn.”

“I’ve spoken with my legal team, and we’re working on some custody arrangement options. Once they’re prepared, I’d like for you to look them over,” Louis said as Harriet sat down in front of his desk.

Her eyes widened. “You’re bringing your lawyers into this?”

“Of course,” Louis said calmly. “I felt it was prudent to do so.”

“But I thought we could work this out between us. Louis, I told you, I don’t want to keep him from you, no matter what.”

“And you won’t,” Louis replied, flipping through the papers in front of him. “They’re simply involved to ensure that.”

“I _know_ what sort of things your lawyers do, Louis.” Harriet spoke in a coldly quiet voice. “I knew you were upset, but I didn’t think you hated me.”

“I don’t hate you, Harriet. I lo—” He caught himself, offering a strained smile her way. “I’m simply protecting my interests.”

“By sending your hounds after me.”

“Harriet, they aren’t that bad,” Louis said with a sigh.

“That’s because they work for you. But for anyone against you…” Her voice trailed off, the fear glistening in her eyes as it fell down her cheek.

“ _Are_ you against me?” Louis asked.

Harriet’s eyes were growing redder by the second. “I _never was_ ,” she whispered, biting her lip.

“So,” Louis continued. “Thaddeus and I will be going to the lab tomorrow to submit samples for testing. They said it could take a few days for the results, but they should be in by the end of the week. You _do_ realize, don’t you, that when this test proves he’s my son, he’ll be staying here with me? I won’t keep you from him, of course, but he won’t be leaving London without me.”

Harriet couldn’t look at him. “You don’t get to make that decision.”

“I have a team of lawyers that tell me I can,” Louis said calmly. “And as I told you, I won’t keep you from him. If you were still here, we could continue just as we have been, custody-wise.”

Harriet paled further. “Are you using Warlock as a means to keep me trapped in London?”

Louis felt sick to his stomach at her accusation. “No, of course not,” his voice softened. “This has nothing to do with you and me,” he said with a pained look on his face. “I know you don’t believe me, but I wouldn’t ever want to trap you, and I certainly would never use Warlock like that. But make no mistake. I won’t allow you to take my son out of the country.”

After Harriet left, Gareth came into the office to check his schedule. Louis narrowed his eyes, leaning back in his chair as he watched every movement Gareth made with growing ferocity.

After writing down his schedule, Gareth turned to leave.

“Might I have a word?” Louis asked calmly.

“What can I do for you?” Gareth asked, sitting down in one of the chairs in front of Louis’s desk.

“I couldn’t help but overhear a few of your _conversations_ with one of my musicians,” Louis said, steepling his fingers together as he leaned forward. “I suppose you’re unaware of the fraternization policy in place here.”

“What?” Gareth asked, confused. “But Devan said—”

“It’s _new_ ,” Louis interrupted him with a growl.

“Oh.”

“You are to leave Crowley alone.”

“Crowley? Oh, that’s nothing. Just a bit of fun. It’s _fine_.”

“Are you arguing with me?" Louis asked, arching an eyebrow menacingly. "Do you know what happens to people who argue with me?”

“Uh, no, I… I can’t say that I do.”

“No one _else_ does, _either_ ,” Louis grinned wickedly.

Gareth’s eyebrows shot up. “Right, okay.”

“You are not to speak to Crowley again, do you understand? You may answer any questions he asks you, but you will stay away from him. If he enters a room you are in, you will stay at least two meters away from him at all times.”

“How much is that?” Gareth asked.

“One entire _me_ ,” Louis glowered. “I want you to imagine that I am there, in between the two of you.”

“Yes, sir,” Gareth replied.

“And I promise you,” Louis said, tilting his head to the side as he narrowed his eyes, “If you defy me, you’ll have considerably _less_ fun with _me_.”

Louis looked up as Crowley came barging into the office. “I’ve just come from the school. Was anybody going to tell me that Harriet already checked Warlock out of classes an hour early, or was I just supposed to find that out on my own?”

Louis’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I thought this was _our_ weekend with him. Why didn’t you tell me Harriet had Warlock instead of me sitting in a queue for ages waiting to pick him up?”

“Because I _didn’t_ _know_ ,” Louis said, quickly pulling out his phone. He scrolled to Harriet’s number and hit dial, bringing the phone to his ear. It went straight to voicemail without ringing. He tried calling three more times, all going straight to voicemail the same as the first call.

“Harriet,” Louis began after the beep on the last call. “What the fuck is going on? Not only did you tell me I could spend more time with him, but this is _my_ weekend with Warlock. Why did you check him out of—”

Louis glanced at his computer screen. There was an email from the lab about his results. His hand shook as he pointed the cursor over to the subject line, clicking the button to open it.

Louis felt the air rush out of his lungs as if he had taken a punch to the gut. “No,” he whispered, his eyes quickly turning red and glassy.

“What’s the matter?” Crowley asked, beginning to panic.

“Give me your keys,” Louis said, jumping up out of his chair, knocking his laptop to the side in the process.

“What’s happened?” Crowley asked as Louis advanced on him.

“Give me your keys! I don’t have time to wait to call a car service. I have to get there _now_!”

“I’ll do no such thing until you tell me what the _fuck_ is happening!” Crowley said, eyes wide as his back hit the wall behind him.

Louis, realizing he had backed Crowley into a corner, took a step back and lifted his hands in apology. “I’m sorry. There’s been a mistake. I need to get to Warlock _right now_.”

Crowley glanced over to see the email open on the laptop screen.

> _Paternity test results for NG-667-A_
> 
> _**NEGATIVE**_

“Oh, fuck,” Crowley said softly, looking back at Louis. “Oh, okay, uh, you, you don’t worry about it. I’ll drive you, all right? Let’s go.”

They rushed to Crowley’s car. Louis impatiently pulled at the passenger-side door handle while Crowley leaned over to pull the interior handle. “That one sticks,” Crowley said. Louis got in, putting on his safety belt as Crowley started the car.

They drove to Harriet and Warlock’s official London residence, having no trouble at the gate as the guards recognized Crowley and his car from all the times he had picked Warlock up or dropped him off. Louis was already out of his belt and opening the door before Crowley came to a full stop. Louis tumbled out, running as fast as he could to bang his fists on the front door, with Crowley following soon after.

A man Louis didn’t recognize opened the door. “What’s all the commotion?”

Louis’s first instinct was to push past the man, but he was solidly standing in the doorway and appeared quite sturdy. “Where’s Warlock?” Louis asked, looking past the man into the house. He saw several workers in jumpsuits packing up boxes. “Where’s Harriet?”

“The Dowlings are on their way back to the states,” the man said with a confused smile.

“But what about Warlock?” Louis repeated.

“Sir, I told you, the Dowlings headed to the states. They went to the air force base to leave a couple of hours ago.”

“You aren’t _listening_ to me,” Louis snarled. “Where is Warlock?”

“Warlock Dowling is with his _parents_ , obviously,” the man said, growing annoyed.

Crowley stepped forward to catch Louis as his knees gave way partially. “Louis, we need to g—"

“Warlock _Dowling_?” Louis managed to force out in a hoarse voice. “That’s _not_ his name. It’s _Eiffer_ ,” Louis said, growing louder as he regained his footing. “My son’s name is _Warlock Eiffer_!”

A second man stepped over to the door, his hand reaching for his hip. “Is everything all right over here, Francis?”

“It’s fine,” Crowley blurted out, recognizing the stance of the agent. “We’re leaving now.”

Louis turned to Crowley, heartbroken and on the precipice of something he couldn’t name. “I can’t leave without my baby.”

“He’s _gone_ , Louis. They’re _already gone_.”

Crowley led a quiet and stunned Louis back to the car. Louis simply stood in place while Crowley went around to the driver’s side to open the passenger door from the inside, having to get back out again to guide Louis into the seat. Once Crowley had them both buckled in, he started the engine to drive them back to the hotel.

“Louis?” Crowley asked, noting how listless and silent Louis was. He was worried. Trying to keep his attention on the road while trying to check on Louis at the same time proved to be too difficult when the car suddenly jerked to a stop following a thud and a crunch. “ _Shit_! Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Crowley yelled, beating the steering wheel. “Fucking pothole!”

Crowley put the car in reverse to try and back out, but found he couldn’t turn the wheel. He turned the engine off and got out of the car to find the left front wheel siting at a different angle than the others, tire burst, and some sort of fluid leaking from beneath the car.

“Ugh,” he groaned, leaning his head back in defeat. He climbed back in the car, grabbing his phone to call Dana.

Louis, still sitting in the front seat, eyes forward, did not even register that anything out of the ordinary had happened.

Crowley called Dana to arrange for a tow and a lift back to the hotel.

“Can’t you walk, as close as you two are?” Dana asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Crowley said quietly into the phone while keeping his eyes on Louis. “Something’s wrong with Louis.”

“Was he hurt? Does he need to see a doctor?”

“No, I’m thinking he’s fine _physically_ , but he’s pretty well checked-out of reality otherwise. I really need to get him home as soon as possible, Dana.”

“All right,” she said. “Let me get things taken care of for the tow, and I’ll send a car to collect you both.”

After everything was sorted, with Crowley’s car sent for repair and he and Louis back at the hotel, Crowley took Louis up to his flat. Crowley led him over to the sofa and sat him down, taking off his shoes and propping his feet up on a cushion. He went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and brought it over to Louis, who, though still quiet, was at least tracking Crowley with his eyes now.

“Drink this,” Crowley said, holding the glass up towards Louis.

Louis took the glass, narrowing his eyes and looking away as he remembered those same words from a night several years before. He took a sip, then cleared his throat. “You don’t have to stay.”

Crowley cocked his head to the side, raising his eyebrows with a questioning pout. “You sure about that?”

Louis nodded, holding the glass with both hands to take another drink. “I’d like to be alone right now,” he said quietly. “Please.”

“If you’re _certain_ ,” Crowley said, looking thoughtfully at Louis. “I don't want to push you, but I _am_ worried about you. Can I get you anything?”

Louis shook his head. “No, thank you,” he said, his voice sounding so small and fragile.

Crowley nodded. “Right. I’ll just be popping along, then,” he said as he stood up to leave.

Truth be told, Crowley very specifically _didn’t_ want to be alone. Most of this hadn’t fully hit him yet, and he knew it was coming. The busier he stayed, the more occupied he found his time, the less likely he would be to have to feel _any_ of this just yet.

Crowley had never seen Louis so out of sorts, not even when he and Harriet were split up before Warlock was born. It was unsettling, but he couldn’t blame Louis for his reaction.

Crowley knew it was going to wreck him, too, when it really sank in that Warlock was gone. Obviously, it would hit a bit differently, as Crowley had known from the start Warlock wasn’t his own biological child. But that didn’t matter to him, not one bit.

Crowley wasn’t prepared for what this would do to him, not _any_ of what had happened today, though no one ever truly is. He decided to distract himself down in the lounge on the piano.

Once Crowley had left, Louis finished the water in his glass and stood up, he turned the stereo on and set out looking for something to make him forget.

_Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay  
I tried to drive on through the night  
The heat stroke ridden weather, the barren empty sights  
No oasis here to see, the sand is singing deathless words to me_

Louis walked over to the bar cabinet, unlocking it to swing the door open. He ran his fingertips along the bottles on the shelf, selecting not what he _wanted_ , but what he would _begin with_ to get drunk as efficiently as possible. He opened it, took a deep drink, and began to pace around his empty flat, bottle in hand.

_As I adjust to my new sights  
The rarely tired lights will take me to new heights  
My hand is on the trigger and I'm ready to ignite  
Tomorrow might not make it, but everything's all right  
Mental fiction follows me, show me what it's like to be set free_

Louis wanted to be _angry_. He wasn’t generally a fan of anger, but something told him being angry would feel quite a bit better than feeling sad. At least if he were angry, he couldn’t feel much else. The trouble with this was that he did not anger easily. He was accomplished at holding everything back and handling the details required to sort it all away.

It wasn’t that he didn’t process his feelings, because he did. He acknowledged them, recognized them, and moved forward. The _problem_ was that he had been doing this so much, for so long, and for so many other people, that there had not been a break in the emotional torrents he had been diverting in _years_.

_Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay  
These eyes won't see the same, after I flip today_

Sometimes the waters rage so hard on both sides that the levee breaks. The floods rush in with no means to stop or control them until they run their course, whatever path that takes.

Louis felt so hollow and empty. He noticed a sick sensation creeping up from deep within his core, as if compelled to fill the void space left by everything he had lost. Louis brought the neck of the bottle to his lips, turning it up to fill up empty space and drown whatever it was that was trying to break free and take over.

_Sometimes I don't know why we'd rather live than die  
We look up towards the sky for answers to our lives  
We may get some solutions but most just pass us by  
Don't want your absolution 'cause I can't make it right_

Breath coming more rapidly now, Louis began to panic. He had to get this feeling out, _somehow_ , before it consumed him.

_I'll make a beast out of myself  
Gets rid of all the pain of being a man_

Louis lifted his face up, took a deep breath, and screamed as loudly as he could.

_Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn (all alone)  
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction  
My confidence is leaving me on my own (all alone)  
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention_

When that didn’t make him feel better, he threw the near-empty liquor bottle at a window, shattering the bottle and sending spiderweb cracks along the pane of glass.

_So sorry you're not here  
I've been sane too long my vision's so unclear_

He staggered into Warlock’s room, flipping the light switch to look around at it all. Everything was just as it had been that morning when Warlock woke up and left for school. The room was untouched, as if reality hadn’t quite caught on to this precious pocket of space and time.

_Now take a trip with me  
But don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem_

Louis flinched as the bulb in the overhead light flickered and burned out with a loud popping sound, casting the room once again in darkness.

_I've known it from the start all  
These good ideas will tear your brains apart_

He parted the curtains just enough for the narrow beam of evening sunlight bleeding through to cut a fiery path across the room.

_Scared but you can follow me  
I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die_

Louis looked up at the pomegranate tree on the wall before turning away. It was too much. It was _all_ too much. They were gone.

Under the crushing weight of his grief, Louis felt something shift within him. He fell to his knees, clutching his head in his hands.

After a lifetime creating a world filled with varying shades of grey, Louis began to see red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:  
>  _The Incident._
> 
> See you Saturday.


	5. Hell Hath No Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Violence, and the implications thereof, but nothing graphic, nor descriptions. References to sexual encounter in previous chapter.
> 
> [Devil – Shinedown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEWqPxkKz2s)  
> [Call Me Devil – Friends in Tokyo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2b_Vk132_I)  
> [The Devil Takes Care of His Own – Band Of Skulls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XUwKewzdNs)  
> [Sunburn – Fuel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6zf3dW2t9Q)

The gradual path of sunlight coming from the slit in the curtains warmed Louis’s face as he lay sleeping in Warlock’s bed. He awoke when it reached his eyes, opening them only to close them tightly immediately as the brightness burned into his sight. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry. He had no idea how long he had been asleep, nor did he remember climbing into what was once his son’s bed.

He buried his face into the pillow, agonizing over what to do. In the UK, Louis was a powerful and respected entity, but he had no influence in the states. He was wholly at Harriet’s mercy, reluctantly realizing her fear of the same from him had forced her hand. While he didn’t blame her, he was still gutted.

He got up to get a drink of water and find something to take to make him feel better, along with something to take for his headache.

Louis sat on the couch, considering his options. What options were there? According to his phone, it was now Saturday evening. Harriet and Warlock had left London over 24 hours prior. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss for what to do. He turned the stereo on, hoping the music might soothe and console him. After several minutes, once more, panic began to seep in. Desperate, tried to call Harriet again, but just as before, there was no answer.

_I'm pickin', I'm pickin', I'm pickin' I pick up the phone  
You said it yourself you're scared of being alone_

He looked down at his empty hands, imagining a slender hand in one and a tiny hand in the other.

_You said it yourself that you can crack the code  
But the static you hear automatically keeps you exposed on your own_

“They’re really gone,” he said, eye twitching slightly as his restraint began to crumble away.

_I hope you're ready, steady, smashing through the levee  
The drama, the trauma, don't play the prima donna  
My god, you said it yourself that you would never stop  
Until you felt the needle drop_

He was getting angry. He wasn’t angry at Harriet for being scared. He knew what she had gone through, and how powerless it had made her feel. He had tried so hard to fix it, but somehow throwing considerable power and resources at someone already overwhelmed and scared of being swept away wasn’t particularly reassuring. Louis wasn’t angry at Thad for being recalled to the US, either. That was his job, and had he not had it, Louis would never have met Harriet to begin with, nor would Warlock have ever been a part of his life. Louis was a reasonable man, and he _understood_ these things as they were, even when he did not like them.

No, Louis was angry at a world that continued to contribute to such heartache. He was angry and all of the people and events that brought those he loved to their knees in fear and sorrow. But, he wondered, how many people had he _himself_ brought to their knees over the years as a means to an end? Why did these cycles continue? And how could he reconcile his own position in the great suffering machine?

It was too much. _Everything_ was too much.

_The silence, the silence  
The blinding ultra-violence  
Knockin' at your door  
Pacin' back and forth_

He began to pace around, running his hands up to pull through his hair. He needed to calm down, to maintain some semblance of control.

_  
What now? (What now)_

Why did so many people push back? No one needed to fear him, so long as they did as he requested. It was for their own good.

_The whispers and the screams  
The stereotypical profiling ritual  
Vicious and obscene_

Wasn’t it?

_So now you pack your bags  
The party's such a drag  
And everyone can tell that you're poisoning the well_

Was it really so bad for people to just _behave_ as he wanted them to? Was what he wanted for them so terrible?

_But there are no mistakes  
Except what you create_

But what if this were a self-fulfilling cycle? Was everything he had done to maintain order amongst the chaos the cause of this? He had such good intentions, _always_ good intentions. He only wanted to make things _better_ , through whatever means necessary.

_You need to know your place_

Hadn’t he?

Louis’s thoughts came rushing in like molten lava. Hot, unrelenting, and directly in his path, leaving him nowhere to run. Louis felt that the only relief he could find was to shut down and stop thinking about everything. The fastest way he knew to do that was to start drinking.

He went to the liquor cabinet, door still hanging open from the night before, and grabbed the first bottle he could reach. Louis willfully ignored the fact that he had already taken a dose or three of a few substances he had hoped would keep him going as he pried the bottle open, still standing in front of the open cabinet, and brought it to his lips. The liquid rushed down his throat in deep, anguished gulps, a miserable act of desperation to banish the static growing louder and louder within his mind.

_'Cause it's about to get heavy (heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy)  
It's about to be on (heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy)  
Yeah, I'm bangin' slingin' napalm (heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy)  
So nobody move  
'Cause I was sent to warn you  
The devil's in the next room_

He finished the first bottle, wide-eyed and gasping for breath as he slammed the empty bottle down and grabbed another.

_Yeah the devil's in the next room (heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy)  
Yeah the devil's in the next room (heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy)  
So nobody move  
'Cause I was sent to warn you  
The devil's right beside you_

Louis looked from his tormented reflection in the mirrored surface behind the cabinet, then down at the almost-half-empty bottle in his hand. "I need more than this," he said aloud. Louis knew what he _really_ wanted, and that was the comfort of family. He wondered if being around people he cared about, who cared about him, might help. Beelz was working on an internship in Lancaster, but Crowley was probably somewhere downstairs.

Louis slammed the opened bottle on the counter. He headed towards the door to begin his descent through the levels of The Circle and into The Inferno.

Louis leaned against the back wall of the lift, closing his eyes. He was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol he had consumed entirely too quickly as it blended into the effects of what he had taken earlier with his paracetamol.

Louis felt like he was coming out of his own skin. He itched in places he didn’t even know existed, as if something inside of him were pressing against his outer layers in a desperate bid for freedom.

He shook his head in an attempt to clear it as the doors opened. Something felt... _Odd_. Louis looked around, noticing how different things that should have been familiar to him felt as he stepped out into the hallway. The gnawing inside of him was back. Smacking his lips, he realized he still had a taste for something he couldn't quite put his finger on, but perhaps a few fingers of scotch might work.

Only one way to find out.

Louis opened the doors to the lounge. Crowley hadn’t begun playing yet, as was evident by the pre-programmed music playing through the intercom system and the speakers along the walls.

_I ain’t no angel  
  
_

Louis walked through the crowd in the Inferno, making his way over to the bar. Calmly, he walked behind, grabbing a bottle off the top shelf, opening it to take a drink. He leaned down to grab the bat beneath the bar.

_Don't got no halo_

Heads turned briefly, quickly going back to their previous conversations as he walked back out into the main area, bottle in one hand, bat in the other.

_I cut off my wings  
Made my momma scream  
  
_

Crowley looked up warily from the piano as Louis leaned against it, tipping the bottle at his lips up, bat slung across his shoulder.

_I’m your darkest dream_

Once the bottle was half-empty, and Crowley still hadn’t begun playing while waiting to see what was going on, Louis spoke.

_I’ll tell you lies_

“Excuse me,” Louis said, looking out across the crowd, tapping a piano key rapidly as per his usual method of getting the attention of the crowd.

_I'll crawl inside your mind_

When no one acknowledged him, he stepped away from the piano. Motioning for Crowley to stand up and step back, Louis slung the bat from his shoulder and slammed it across the keys, startling the entire lounge.

_Grab hold of your eyes  
I will make you mine_

_  
_ “I **_said_** , _excuse me!”_ Louis snarled, illuminated ominously from behind by the spotlights on the stage.

Crowley jumped, edging back towards the wall.

“ ** _Get out!!!!”_** Louis roared towards the audience, swinging the bat again, this time against the wing of the piano.

_And I’m gonna take my time_

_  
_ Louis swung the bat again, catching the crystal chandelier above the piano, sending broken and disconnected bits flying out into the crowd.

The guests in the lounge scrambled, stampeding over one another on their way out the door. Crowley, wide-eyed and terrified, slithered down along the wall, slipping through the Employees Only door as Louis continued to blindly swing, shattering the world he had built up one crack of the bat at a time.

Louis had fallen so far down in his spiral. He wanted someone else to feel even a fraction of the pain he felt. He wanted them to _know_ what it meant to feel lost, to _hurt_.

 _No_ , he realized. He didn’t _want_ to hurt anyone. The world was _already_ a terrible place, full of sin, fear, and pain spread around by wicked, uncaring people. The innocent were _innocent_ , after all. Louis had spent the entirety of his adult life, and part of the childhood stolen from him, creating a haven for the outcasts, those otherwise unfairly deemed unworthy.

No, he decided. This wasn’t about _hurting_ anyone. There were people who were _already_ hurting other people too much as it was. If practically his entire life hadn’t already proven, time and again, the evils of humanity, he had seen more than enough evidence of it recently. No, he realized. This was something far more specific and necessary than the cruelty of randomly inflicting pain.

Louis needed to _punish_ someone.

_I'm coming, I’m coming  
So start running, start running_

Louis walked calmly to the kitchen as his employees scattered in fear around him.

“Devan,” Louis said, narrowing his eyes as he watched the man exiting the walk-in cooler with a clip board. “ _Just_ the person I was looking for.” _Must have been doing inventory_ , he thought. _He was **such** a capable employee._ _Pity_.

“Mr. Eiffer,” Devan said, turning around with surprise as he realized they were alone in the kitchen. He eyed the bat on Louis’s shoulder with trepidation. “What can I do for you?”

“Might I have a word?” Louis asked calmly.

_They call me devil_

Devan stepped tentatively towards him. “Of course. What—”

“Consider it a _performance review_ ,” Louis said with a penetrating stare as he steadily herded Devan into a corner.

_My heart is empty_

“What are you playing at?” Devan asked nervously, reaching behind him to feel the wall as he backed up against it.

“You _hurt_ Crowley. You shouldn’t have done that.”

_They call me devil_

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Devan said, looking around guiltily. “And frankly, I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” he stated, brows furrowed and shoulders squared with false bravado. Louis could practically taste the waves of fear rolling off the man. It was both delicious and delightful, if that’s the sort of reaction you’re looking for in a person, anyway.

_Just try and tempt me_

Louis lowered the bat from his shoulder, tilting his head side to side to pop his neck. He leaned in close to Devan’s ear as a velvety growl rumbled from deep within his throat.

“ ** _Run_**.”

_  
I'll steal your soul  
I'll eat you whole  
Ain’t no other way_

Louis waited a moment to give Devan a head-start. He was a gentleman, after all. With a wicked grin, he began his pursuit for a sinner.

_They call me devil  
And you should be afraid_

There was a banging on Crowley’s door. His heart began to race as he ran through his options. If it was Louis, he could simply use his master key to open it if Crowley didn’t answer. Louis had used that key before when Crowley accidentally locked his keys in the room in the past. Crowley realized Louis had only used it because he had asked Louis to enter his room then, but given what was happening tonight, there was no telling what would happen. Cautiously, he approached the door, calling out as he reached to affix the chain so he could unlock the deadbolt, as Louis had a master key to those, too. “Who’s there?”

“Crowley!” The voice on the other side of the door shouted with relief. “Thank God you’re in there. Open up, hurry!”

Crowley opened the door only as far as the chain would allow. “What do you want, Gareth?”

“Let me in!”

“I’ve told you, I _won’t_ let you touch me _ever_ again. _Stop asking_.”

“Look, I’m sorry about all that messiness between us before. You know I didn’t mean it like that, right? I’ll make it up to you, I _promise_. Just let me in.”

“I don’t want you _anywhere_ near me,” Crowley replied, holding his foot against the bottom of the door, even as the chain was there, to make _certain_ it didn’t open any further.

“I think Louis is after me. You’ve _got_ to let me in.”

“What do you mean, _after you_?”

“Crowley, stop fucking around and _let me in!_ He’s…” Gareth leaned back to look down either side of the hallway, then leaned back in. “He’s _hunting_ us, Crowley.”

“ _Us_?” Crowley asked, still not unlatching the chain.

“I think he’s already caught up with Devan. He’s _snapped_. He said something about wanting us to confess our sins,” Gareth whispered desperately through the narrow opening in the door, quickly looking back out behind himself again before turning back to speak. “You’ve _got_ to hide me. He won’t look for me in here with you, not after he told me to stay away from you.”

Louis _did_ have a conversation with Gareth after all, even after Crowley said he wanted things left alone, Crowley realized. It was likely there had been a conversation with Devan as well, though based on what Gareth just told him, it probably didn’t matter too much what was said before now. A twisted sort of guilt washed over him as he wondered if what Devan and Gareth had done to him had anything to do with the _sins_ needing to be confessed.

Wheels began turning in Crowley’s head. On the one hand, Crowley liked mischief as much as the next person, but he didn’t really want to see anyone hurt and generally kept far away from the heavier stuff while actively trying to be a good person underneath it all. But on the other hand, he felt less safe with Gareth or Devan in his room than he did with Louis, which was saying quite a bit, considering Louis was currently on some sort of wild and destructive weaponized rampage.

One might avoid the monster behind the closet door by wrapping up in a sheet on the bed with a monster under it, but that's simply trading one danger for another. It was down to personal safety, really, to avoid the situation completely. Couldn’t be helped.

“Crowley, wait, what are you doing?” Gareth asked, his plaintive voice becoming muffled as Crowley closed the door and slid the deadbolt back in place.

Crowley backed away from the door, until Gareth’s pounding stopped and the shouting started. He felt sick to his stomach, but firm in his decision. Quickly, Crowley turned his stereo up so loud it could be heard even out in the hallway in an attempt to keep himself from hearing anything _else_ going on past his door.

_If you flip the rug then you reveal an ugly scene  
But the strength of ten thousand will never weaken me_

“Come here!” Louis shouted.

“What do you want from me, Louis?” Gareth yelled back

_Wit just like a razor blade; you carve me half and half  
Oh, I'd better wait to kill the time_

“I want to know why you’re pounding at Crowley’s door when I specifically told you _never_ to go near him again,” Louis snarled.

“Crowley?” Gareth exclaimed, feigning ignorance. “I, I didn’t know,” Gareth shouted, backing away down the hall.

_Do you dare to speak his name? There's evil at the root  
Cruel or kind, it's on your mind; go on and give the dice a roll_

“What did you say?” Louis rumbled, stripping paint as he forcefully dragged the tip of the bat along the wall while he stalked forward.

_Never did believe in saying fortunes are foretold  
Easy come and easy they will go_

“I didn’t know that was his room, Louis. I swear!”

_Didn't you read it in the detail?  
That if you're idle, then you will fail_

“ ** _Liar_**!” Louis bellowed, knocking a hole in the plaster as he slammed the bat against the wall. _“Come here!"_

_  
Now you wanna know an answer  
But if you dance, then you're a dancer_

Gareth broke into a run down the hallway, headed towards the lounge. Louis didn’t bother with a head-start this time. Sportsmanship and courtesy had gone by the wayside when Gareth had defied his direct order.

_  
The devil takes care of his own_

Long after sunrise and well into the afternoon, after several hours had passed since Crowley had taken shelter in his room, Crowley decided to see if it was safe enough to step out into the stairwell to smoke and survey the damage. He quietly slipped through his door, looking around. He shivered at the broken bits of plaster on the hall carpet, shattered glass and flickering lights from the broken wall sconces, and the damage along the walls. Crowley took a deep breath and began to walk down the hall.

Crowley froze with a sharp intake of breath after turning a corner to find Louis sitting on the floor in the dark of the hallway, eyes closed and head leaned back against the wall. There was an opened bottle next to him, but it looked as if it had barely been touched. Unbeknownst to Crowley, Louis had opened the bottle after dealing with Gareth, but found he no longer wanted it and had barely sipped it in the hours between that happening and Crowley finding Louis here.

Eyes that had been closed fluttered open at Crowley’s gasp, turning towards the sound.

“Crowley? What’s wrong?” Louis asked. “You look upset.”

Crowley scoffed before he could stop himself. “For fuck's sake," Crowley said, gesturing towards the broken light fixtures and dents in the walls. "How can you possibly ask me that?”

Louis shrugged, looking over at the wall across from him for a moment before turning to look up at Crowley once more. “Will you sit with me?”

There was a pause. “Do I have a choice?” Crowley asked, uncomfortably, eyes never leaving the bat still in Louis’s hand. He wanted to turn around and leave, but he was scared of what might happen if he did.

Louis noticed the way Crowley eyed him with fear. “I’m not going to hurt you, Crowley. I would _never_.” He carefully placed the bat on the floor and nudged it gently away with his foot. “See? It’s okay. You can have that.”

Crowley jumped when Louis made as if to get up.

“No, no, relax,” Louis said, flopping back down and holding his hands up. “I was just trying to get further away from the bat so you could do whatever you needed to with it. Look, I’ll turn my head and cover my eyes, so I won’t even be able to see when you get near it, okay? I’ll stay like this until you tell me it’s okay to look.”

“Right, o-okay,” Crowley said, gritting his teeth and willing himself to stretch out a leg to toe the bat towards himself. Crowley picked it up, holding a tight grip along the handle.

True to his word, Louis remained still, eyes covered, until Crowley said it was all right.

“Louis, what have you done?” Crowley asked, stepping over to the opposite wall to stand.

Louis smiled sadly. “Quite a bit, I’m afraid. You’ll need to be more specific.”

“What happened to Devan and Gareth?”

“That doesn’t concern you,” Louis said, looking away.

“The _fuck_ it doesn’t, Louis. What did you _do_?” Crowley said, cursing himself internally for not being more cautious with his words and tone. Now was _not_ the time to provoke or accuse Louis.

“It doesn’t concern you because the less you know, the less you’ll have to deal with,” Louis said, rubbing his hands over his face. “You’re the innocent party here.”

“Innocent party? Louis, what did you _do_? Gareth said that you were hunting them.”

“They needed to be punished,” Louis stated flatly. “That’s all you need to know.”

“Punished?” Crowley’s eyes went wide. “Why?”

“Because they _hurt_ you,” Louis growled.

“That’s, er, th-that,” Crowley sputtered, trying to find his words. “That’s just _life_ , Louis. People have been hurting people’s feelings since the dawn of time. Yeah, I said I never wanted to look at them again, but that doesn’t mean you—"

“They did more than hurt your _feelings_ , Crowley,” Louis said gravely.

“And just what makes you say _that_?” Crowley asked, eyes narrowing. “Because I _specifically_ didn’t tell you anything else.”

Louis turned to look at him in exasperation. “I’m the one who cleaned up after it! I _saw_ what they did to you. It was all over the sheets. They _hurt_ you, Crowley, and they deserved _everything_ they got for their trouble.”

Crowley was flooded with embarrassment. “You were in my room going through my things that night? After I _specifically_ said I didn't want to talk about it?” He thought it had been housekeeping that had changed out his sheets, not Louis. “I didn’t _tell_ _you_ about that because I didn’t want you to _know_ , because it was _private_.”

“You come and go in my flat. I’ve never minded that.”

Crowley’s brows raised sharply in surprise. “That’s not the same thing, Louis! You gave me a key and a room, and I never go in your bedroom without permission! I don’t _avoid_ going through your things because you’re my boss. I do that because you’re my _friend_. You’re a _person_ , and I respect your privacy. That room downstairs, that’s my bedroom. That’s supposed to be my private space.”

Louis looked confused. “I don’t see what you’re getting upset about.”

Crowley whined out a huff. “You really _don’t_ , do you? You don’t get that other people might not want to be under your thumb, no matter how well-meaning and generous it is.” He shook his head. “Everything comes at a price,” Crowley whispered.

“Crowley, I have a responsibility to protect my people,” Louis stated.

“With a bludgeoning tool and gross invasions of privacy?”

“If it comes to it, yes.”

Crowley was at a loss for words.

“All you need to know is that they’ll never bother you ever again,” Louis said solemnly.

Crowley’s mind reeled at the implication. “For fuck’s sake, you’re not _Batman_ , Louis!” Crowley said, eyes wide with fear as he backed slowly away. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want _any_ of this.” Crowley’s eyes darted around wildly. “It’s my fault,” he whispered hoarsely.

“No!” Louis said quickly, reaching out for Crowley to reassure him. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Crowley flinched, eyes focusing back on Louis while taking another step back, Louis's bat tightly in his grasp behind him. “Then why do I feel so responsible?”

Louis slumped down once more upon seeing Crowley’s reaction. He covered his eyes, shoulders shaking. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” Louis said between sobs. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

Crowley, in spite of his fear, was worried about Louis and knelt down beside him. “You _can’t_ fix everything. That’s just life. This wasn’t your responsibility.”

“You’re wrong,” Louis said, hand still covering his eyes. “I just have to make this right for you, and once I do that, I can—"

“You’ve been figuring out and deciding what to do about everything for so long that you haven’t been _listening_ to me when I _tell_ you what I need or want,” Crowley said with a blend of irritation and kindness. “I need you to respect my boundaries.”

Louis looked up at him sharply. “What did you say?”

“I _said_ , I need you to respect my boundaries,” Crowley repeated, tensing up.

“That’s what Harriet said to me.”

“I’m not her biggest fan right now, but she was right about _that_ ,” Crowley said, relaxing slightly.

Louis brought his knees up, resting his elbows on them and laying his head on his crossed arms. “I’m so tired, Crowley.”

Crowley softened slightly. As angry as he was about what he just found out, he still wanted Louis to feel better, and maybe to get him out of the hallway. “Tell you what,” Crowley said, standing up and holding out his hand. “Why don’t we get you upstairs and in bed so you can take a little rest, hmm? It has been quite a day.”

After getting Louis on his feet, Crowley led him back up to his flat at the topmost floor of The Circle. He helped Louis dress for bed and tucked him in. “Now,” Crowley said, lowering the lights. “You just focus on getting some rest.”

Louis nodded, closing his eyes.

As Crowley left Louis’s flat, he leaned against the wall of the lift. His face contorted, growing hot and wet as the impact of _everything_ that had happened over the last two days came pouring out into the light of a lazy Sunday afternoon.

The next afternoon, Louis woke up, stretched, and sat up in his bed. He took a shower, got dressed, and went into the living room. Cringing as he saw the crack in the window, he got the broom from the closet and cleaned up the broken glass from the bottle that caused it.

“I should probably see the rest of the damage,” he groaned. “And maybe apologize to anybody who still works for me.”

Louis got in the lift and headed down to the office to get a notepad and pen before heading to the Lounge to take note of what needed done.

Dana jumped when Louis walked into the office.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s okay, now. I’m, I think I’m past what happened Saturday night.”

Dana looked around the room for a moment before meeting his eyes. She smiled nervously at him.

“I’m okay, really,” he said.

Dana’s eyebrows shifted up slightly as her smile twitched momentarily. “For _now_ ,” she said.

Louis looked concerned. “I can assure you, I’m fine,” he said, picking up a pen. “I’m quite glad to see you’re still here, because I’ll be needing your help to get things back up and running,” he said. “I’m about to head over into the lounge to see what needs—”

“Oh, I’ve already done that,” Dana said, pulling out a spiral-bound notebook and handing it to him. “I’ve made lists of the damage, as well as what needs to be replaced in both the lounge and the hotel.”

“Really?” Louis said, impressed. “Well, I guess all that’s left is for me to go find Crowley and apologize to him as well.”

Dana paled, edging away to put the desk between them. “About that,” she began. “I think you should sit down.”

Louis’s eyes flashed towards her as his breath stilled. “What’s happened? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Dana said quickly. “But he’s not here.”

“When will he be back, then?”

Dana swallowed audibly. “He said he’s not coming back.”

Louis’s eyes went wide. “What? How? His car is in the shop.”

“You remember that?” Dana asked, surprised.

“P-parts of it,” Louis admitted, furrowing his brow as he tried to remember everything. It wasn’t clear, but he remembered an accident and waiting for a tow truck. “But that doesn’t matter. What happened? Where is he?”

“He…” She looked around nervously, edging around to find a clear path to the exit if need be. “He cleared out his employee cash account this morning and walked off somewhere. Came back with a new car, loaded up his room, and…” She shrugged her shoulders, looking down. “He left.”

Louis stumbled back into his chair, leaning forward on his desk with his head in his hands. “Did he say where he was going?”

Dana sat down in the chair in front of the desk. “He said he didn’t know for sure, but told me not to worry about it. Said it wasn’t the first time he’s lived out of his car. Apparently, this one is much nicer than the one he lived in before, and the handles even work. He promised me he’d be fine.”

“He didn’t give you _any_ indication of where he was headed?”

Dana’s eyes and nose began to grow red as her chin quivered slightly. “He said he couldn’t tell me, because he knew I’d tell you, and he doesn’t want you to come looking for him.”

With Dana on top of things in the office, Louis went back up to his flat. He felt so numb, so hollow. Over the past few days, he had already felt so many things that there was nothing left in him just then. He felt as if he was going to be sick, but having not eaten in a few days, there wasn’t anything available to satisfy that urge.

Once he entered his flat, he flipped the switch to turn on the stereo and went to find something to fill this ache in his stomach.

Louis didn’t want to be angry anymore.

_The sky was dark this morning  
Not a bird in the trees  
And silence hung suspicious and anxious  
Like a blanket covered scream_

“Everyone keeps leaving,” he said, leaning his forehead against the wall momentarily. “I was only trying to help.”

_And you were gone  
You were not there for me_

“Why won’t they just let me love them?” He shouted at the ceiling.

_And I cursed the sky and begged the sun to  
Fall all over me  
This life's not living, baby  
Living ain't free_

Drugs and alcohol weren’t going to fill the hole in his heart. He had already tried, and it just kept getting bigger.

_  
And if I can't find my way back to me  
Let the sun fall down over me  
Let the sun fall down_

He walked past the liquor cabinet and into the kitchen, settling on a glass of juice and a speckled banana to ease his stomach without overloading it.

_All my friends are searching  
Quiet, desperately  
_ _Look into their eyes, you'll see the faithless crying  
Save me, save me, save me_

All this time, he had been fighting so hard to bring people together, to give people with no place to go a safe haven to thrive in.

_And what are they to feel  
Who are they to be  
And what am I to do with, do with me?_

Sure, sometimes that meant bending a few rules or breaking a few bones here and there, but Louis was, by far, not a selfish man. He shared what he had with his people. The things he did were for the benefit of everyone in his charge. It was for the greater _good_ , wasn’t it?

_Just let the sun fall all over me  
This life’s not living, baby  
Living ain't free_

Louis was exhausted. He was unaccustomed to this much losing. But more than this, he was scared.

_  
If I can't find my way back to me  
Let the sun fall down over me  
Let the sun fall down_

He was scared to lose control again, because he didn’t know if he could be convinced to stop without someone to help him now that everyone he thought of as family was gone. Even Dana, who he was friends with, but not as close to as he was Crowley, was scared of him. She had obviously wanted to leave when he spoke with her earlier. It didn't take someone as skilled as he usually was at reading people to know that.

_Until my eyes are cried out  
'Til my head is free from doubt  
'Til my lungs sigh right out  
'Til I'm wiser_

After what he had done that weekend, he couldn’t blame anyone for leaving him.

It still hurt, though.

_Let the sun  
Fall all over me  
This life's not living, baby  
Living ain't free  
If I can't find my way back to me  
Let the sun fall down over me  
Let the sun fall down_

Louis decided the safest thing he could do for anyone was to go back to sleep. He had been doing a lot of that lately. At least when he was asleep, he wasn't actively hurting anyone, nor did he have to deal with what he had already done.

Louis dreamed of bacon. His dream awakened a mighty rumbling in his stomach. He was so hungry he could _still_ smell it, even after waking up. When he opened his eyes, he saw a plate full of bacon, eggs, beans, and toast on a tray next to him.

“How?”

“Eat.”

Louis sat up, surprised. “Beelz? What are you doing here?”

“Family emergency,” Beelz said gently. “Crowley called me.”

“Crowley’s _gone_ ,” Louis said, covering his face with his hand.

“I know,” Beelz said.

“They’re _all_ gone,” Louis whispered, his face twisting into an anguished contortion as he looked away.

“I, I know,” Beelz repeated, reaching their arm across his shoulders to squeeze gently. “Crowley told me what happened. _Everything_ that happened,” they frowned.

Louis looked up at them with sad, haunted eyes. “What did he say? Did he say where he was going?”

“He…” They sighed, looking around as if trying to decide what to say. Deciding that the truth was the best, they continued. “He was pretty shaken up. You scared the Hell out of him,” they said quietly.

“I, I didn’t mean to,” Louis said, closing his eyes tightly and leaning his head back. “It’s my job to keep him safe, to keep _everyone_ safe. I —”

“I know,” Beelz said. “He told me about that, too. And he and I both agree, you’ve been running far too hard for far too long,” Beelz said, stroking Louis’s hair to soothe him.

“Everything I love goes away. Please, please don’t you leave me, too,” Louis said, desperately clinging to Beelz’s arm. “You’re all I’ve got left.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Beelz said, wrapping both arms around their older brother. “I’m right here.”

“I made him _hate_ me,” Louis said, shakily. “He’s scared of me, and he hates me for it.”

“Crowley _doesn’t_ hate you, Louis,” Beelz said. “If he hated you, he wouldn’t have called me to let me know what was going on. He’s hurting, too. He’s trying to cope as best he can,” Beelz said with a sigh. “And this is a _lot_. It’s understandable that he’s upset, and yeah, you did scare him. But he cares about you enough that he didn’t leave you all alone, because he called me and asked me if I could come see you. He tagged me in to make sure you had someone when he couldn’t do it himself, okay?”

Louis looked up at Beelz with a sigh of relief. “That… That helps. Thank you.”

“Eat,” Beelz said once more. “I know how you get, and I bet you’ve not had a bite of anything in days. When I saw the state of your produce, I gave it a proper burial and did a shop to make sure you were fed.”

Louis nodded and picked up his fork. "I ate a banana," he muttered before shoving an entire strip of bacon in his mouth. He tried very hard to pace himself while eating in spite of his hunger, but it wasn't easy.

Beelz laughed. "Judging by what I saw in that fruit bowl this morning, I wouldn't brag about that."

“Normally, you’re a terrible cook,” Louis said with a mouth full, “But this is incredible.”

“You’re just hungry. Don’t get too excited about it.” Beelz rubbed comforting circles along Louis’s back. They were attempting to work up the courage to discuss something of importance, and they didn’t want to screw it up.

“I, uh, I’ve been thinking,” Beelz began, still trying to keep Louis calm while rubbing his back. “You must be so _tired_ of everything.”

Louis exhaled loudly. “I _really_ am. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“I think you could do with some rest. I have something in mind that I--”

“Oh, I don’t…” He put his fork down and wiped his mouth. “I can’t. I've already slept too much lately, and there’s too much to do.”

“That’s part of the problem, Louis,” Beelz said, looking him in the eye. “You’re burning out. You take care of everyone else, but not yourself. There’s a program I think you’d benefit from, at the hospital--”

“You’re trying to put me away,” Louis said, warily. “You can’t do this. You _just said_ you weren’t going to leave me, too,” he said miserably.

“No, no,” Beelz quickly countered. “I’m not, and if you'll stop interrupting me, I'll explain it to you. This program I’m talking about, it’s at the hospital where I’m interning. Now, I can’t really work on your specific treatment team, as we’re family, but I’ll be able to visit you as often as I’m allowed. You could get some help, and you wouldn’t be alone. I’d be there with you, at least in the same building most days.”

Louis frowned.

“We’d see each other more than we do now,” Beelz said softly.

Louis considered that. “Still, even if I _could_ take off somewhere, I wouldn’t be comfortable with people here knowing where I was.” Louis cringed at that, remembering what Crowley had said about his own privacy.

“That’s all been taken care of,” Beelz explained. “When you didn’t answer your mobile, I tried calling your office. I talked with Dana about you being gone for a bit.”

“You what?” Louis said, eyes wide.

“You aren’t the only one who can take care of people, you nit,” they said affectionately. “Dana explained the repairs would take a few weeks, regardless, and you don’t need to be here for that. As far as the other side of the business, she and I talked it over with her old employer, who has agreed to come out of retirement temporarily to help out with booking clients, for a cut of the profits, of course.”

“And you just made these decisions about my business _without_ me?” Louis asked, dumbfounded.

“It’s half _mine_ , so yes.”

Louis reluctantly nodded. They were correct. They had as much right to be there as Louis did. Louis had encouraged them to go on to Uni and follow their dreams so they didn’t have to do the things Louis did, but it wasn’t to keep Beelz from what was rightfully theirs if they wanted it.

Even if Louis preferred things done a certain way.

“But what about—”

“I told Dana you could do with a change of scenery, and that I was here to take you on holiday, which is true. And I told her after that, you’ll be staying in Lancaster with me for a bit, which is also _technically_ true, and not at all suspicious.”

Louis sighed, realizing the one person in the universe he could not effectively argue with was sitting in front of him. Growing up with someone tends to have as many disadvantages as it does advantages.

“Fine,” he conceded, tucking back into his breakfast. He was too tired to argue, and he trusted his sibling. “Where are we going on our holiday?”

“Anywhere you like.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering about _**The Incident**_ , yes, that was the analog for the aftermath of Louis’s Fall (Where Lucifer became Satan and started up with that whole punishing sinners thing). It was _also_ a nod to _this._  
>   
>   
>  We still have a little more ground to cover here before we slip back into the main story, but don't worry. If you'll recall in the main story, Crowley spent winters at The Inferno before he met Aziraphale. He's not gone too far away.  
> There will be some familiar faces in the next chapter.
> 
> Update: This is still going, though I had to take a break for a bit. You can find updates to what's happening, as well as snippets of previews of this and other of my works, at [ my website.](https://www.amadness2method.com/category/wips/)


	6. Only Nature Can Affect The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis picks up the pieces and gets some perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter:  
> [24 - Switchfoot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6oCFVGuSyQ)  
> [In The Clear – Foo Fighters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYzY25b_uek)  
> [Everything’s Not Lost (including bonus hidden track Life Is For Living) – Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NLT4dkrZ5s)  
> [Demons – Imagine Dragons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8)

With a bag packed and loaded in the boot, Beelz unlocked the passenger door for Louis, then went around to get in on the driver’s side.

“By the way, I took care of that _thing_ in your office.”

“Did you look inside?”

They shook their head no.

“Thanks,” Louis said with a heavy sigh.

“Here,” they said, handing him a zippered folio full of CDs. “Find something you want to listen to. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”

Louis flipped through page after page, unable to make a decision. He sighed, closing his eyes. He held the folio closed and upright for a moment before letting go to allow the pages to fall open randomly. He reached down and pulled out the first CD he touched. He inserted it into the CD player and pushed shuffle, allowing it to select a random track.

_Twenty-four oceans  
_ _Twenty-four skies  
Twenty-four failures  
Twenty-four tries_

“Yeah, maybe we should listen to something else,” Beelz said, reaching for the eject button.

“Leave it,” Louis said, reaching his hand out to stop theirs. “Please.”

Beelz looked unhappy, but complied just the same.

_Life is not what I thought it was  
Twenty-four hours ago  
Still I'm singing, ‘Spirit take me up in arms with You’_

Louis looked out the window at the scenery passing by. Was it really only hours ago that everything had changed?

_And I'm not who I thought I was  
Twenty-four hours ago  
Still I'm singing, ‘Spirit take me up in arms with You.’_

He had only wanted to make things _better_ for everyone. He was beginning to realize that having control over everything was not only impossible, but the attempts came at a very steep price.

_Twenty-four reasons to admit that I'm wrong  
With all my excuses still twenty-four strong_

He had much to atone for, though some things would never again see the light of day.

_But see, I'm not copping out, not copping out, not copping out  
When You're raising the dead in me_

Louis looked across at his sibling with an appreciative smile.

_Oh, oh I am the second man_  
_Oh, oh I am the second man now  
Oh, oh I am the second man now_

Louis understood many things. Of all of them, loss was the one thing he knew _best_ but understood _least_.

_Twenty-four voices with twenty-four hearts  
All of my symphonies in twenty-four parts_

All Louis had ever truly wanted was to take care of people. He had been doing it his whole life. He had, in his way, so much love to give if only people would let him love them and take care of them. It wasn’t that he thought they were incapable of doing it themselves. It’s that he knew he could make it easier for them if they’d just stop fighting him on it.

_But I want to be one today centered and true  
I'm singing, ‘Spirit take me up in arms with You'  
You're raising the dead in me_

He didn’t understand why people like Harriet and Crowley kept fighting him on it. Anyone else would have jumped at the opportunity to let Louis handle everything. Had done, in fact, as his experiences had been. He had built an empire on it.

An empty empire full of people who saw him as a means to an end.

_I want to see miracles, to see the world change  
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name_

With a hitch of his breath, the tear he had been fighting found its way free, bringing along more with it.

_For more than a feeling  
For more than a cause_

A hand shot across the distance, grabbing Louis’s and squeezing tightly before returning to the steering wheel.

_I'm singing, ‘Spirit take me up in arms with You’  
And You're raising the dead in me_

Louis knew it would be difficult, what Beelz had suggested, but he would do it, and he would come through this.

_Twenty-four voices  
With twenty-four hearts  
With all of my symphonies  
In twenty-four parts. _

_Beelz_ believed in him.

_  
Life is not what I thought it was  
Twenty-four hours ago_

_  
_ They were all he had left.

_Still I'm singing, ‘Spirit take me up in arms.’  
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out._

Louis could be strong for Beelz, and he knew they would be just as strong for him.

After a brief but relaxing holiday in relative quiet, Louis checked into the hospital. True to their word, Beelz visited him as often as they were allowed to do so.

As he worked through the program, Louis found there was a certain amount of freedom in not having to make decisions for everyone around him, or even himself. He was on a schedule, one selected for him by his doctors and the director. Each of his days were already planned out before he even woke up. There was a time to wake, to bathe, and to eat. His day was sectioned off into different therapies and activities, and while occasionally those changed, overall, it was the same. The stability of the schedule soothed him.

At first, it made him angry. He couldn’t understand why Harriet and Crowley resisted that freedom. They wouldn’t have had to do anything, and he would have taken care of everything.

As time went on, Louis realized that, though it was pleasant, stable, and comfortable, it wasn’t freedom at all. He spent his time between activities contemplating his life before. There was a time that he had the world at his fingertips. As he sat down to a dinner of string beans and a small baked potato, he thought about how much he’d rather have something more than this. Right now, the only choice he had was to trade the roast chicken on his plate for another veg and hope it had been cooked with a plant-based margarine or oil instead of butter or lard. Based on the reactions of the rest of the patients in the dining room, dinner was surprisingly excellent. It tasted good, and would keep them nourished and sated. But for Louis, as a vegan, this was not at all what he wanted or needed.

“What are you thinking about?” One of the nurses asked him.

“Bacon,” Louis said, pushing a string bean around on his plate.

“You could have had bacon this morning, but you gave it away for a banana.”

“That’s because that bacon is made out of meat. I don’t eat meat.”

“ _Oh, love_ , I didn’t realize that. How about we double up on your eggs tomorrow?”

Louis smiled politely, shaking his head no. “Thank you, that’s very nice of you to offer, but I can’t eat eggs, either. I’m vegan.”

She tilted her head, looking at him sympathetically. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help to you.”

“It’s all right,” he said, pushing his plate away. “I’ve gotten by this long.”

A few days later, Louis was surprised to find an apple and two small tubs of peanut butter on his plate where everyone else had a slice of roast beef. When he looked up, the nurse he had spoken to before winked back at him. He smiled warmly back at her. This wasn’t at all what he _wanted_ , but he appreciated the effort, and as it was something he _could_ eat, he did so gratefully.

Louis was beginning to better understand, in some ways, why one person’s decisions might not be what another person wanted or needed. Perhaps if he tried harder to _listen_ what the people in his life wanted, just like both Harriet and Crowley had said, he could find the right ways to make them happy enough to stay. He decided that when he got out of the hospital, he would be making a few changes to how he did things.

He _also_ decided to ask Beelz to be ready to make him another huge batch of vegan bacon, eggs, and beans the day he got out. Maybe even to have it waiting in the car.

I can’t wait to sit in my own bathtub again,” Louis said around a mouthful of bacon, smiling as he looked through the windscreen.

Beelz laughed. “You’re going to choke if you don’t slow down,” they said.

“I’m _hungry_ , and you’re _incredible_ ,” Louis mumbled as he scooped a spoon of beans into his mouth.

“Well, I suppose I can’t argue with that,” Beelz said with a grin.

Upon reaching the Circle, Louis went straight up to his penthouse flat. He smiled at the flowers waiting for him on the table.

“I called Dana to let her know we’d be back today. She said she’d make sure everything was ready,” Beelz said, heading straight to the kitchen to check the refrigerator had been filled to their specifications. “Everything seems to be in order. Why don’t you go ahead and take your bath? I’ll be here when you’re done. I’m gonna take a nap,” they said, settling in on the couch.

“I do believe I will,” Louis said, peering into the refrigerator with a satisfied grin as he grabbed a bottle of juice. He laughed softly as he held it in his hands. “I’m going to have a soak in my own tub while I sip juice out of a _glass_ bottle.”

Beelz rolled their eyes with a knowing smile before popping their head over the back of the couch. “Welcome home, Louis. Just keep it down while I’m napping, all right?”

After his bath, Louis took his time to select between his vast assortment of suits. After a few months of t-shirts, joggers, and slip on shoes, it had been far too long, he thought, since he had worn something that made him feel _powerful_. Louis chose a sleek, black suit with black satin embroidery, a steel-grey button up, and a black tie that shone red when the light hit it just right.

Louis finger-combed his hair, longer now than he was accustomed to after being unable to have his regular cuts, and smiled at himself in the mirror.

Refreshed, relaxed, and resplendent, Louis made his descent to visit the Inferno for the first time since both he and the building had been renovated.

Louis stepped out of the lift and into the hallway to make his way to his office, marveling at how well-kept everything looked compared to how he had last seen it. It looked almost identical to how it had before he had smashed it up, save for the lighting. Gone were the opulent candelabra sconces. Instead, there were soft white frosted glass fixtures with amber bulbs inside. The overall effect was quite warm and inviting. Louis found it relaxing and welcoming. He was very excited to see what else Dana had done to repair the rest of the damage.

Louis slipped into his personal office through the back, unlocking the closet to check something. There was an empty space on the shelf where a specific file box used to be. Dust had long-since settled in the void, indicating that the box had been removed some time ago. He let out a small breath of relief that Beelz had indeed handled his request before turning the light off and locking the door.

As he approached the main office, he found the door open. Peering inside, his eyebrows lifted in amusement and surprise. A woman was inside, her hennaed hair cascading in waves above a bright pink plaid poncho. He leaned in the doorway, quietly watching as she flitted about, heavily concentrating on something and taking notes in multiple notebooks and ledgers to do so. It was obvious to Louis that, whoever she was, she not only belonged there, but she knew what she was doing and was intent on doing it _well_.

After a minute or so, she turned around, letting out a squeal of surprise as her hand flew to her chest. “Oh, goodness!”

“Goodness had nothing to do with it, I assure you,” Louis said with a smile as he pushed off of the door facing to step into the office.

The woman smiled a smile so warm that Louis thought he could wrap himself up in it. “Oh, I’m sure that’s only a matter of opinion, dear.” She crossed the room to greet him, taking his hand in hers pleasantly. Her skin was soft, short of a few calluses along the inside of her hand as if she had spent a lot of time holding something with a rough handle. “Now that you’re here, what can I do for you?”

“I’m Louis Eiffer,” he said, lifting her hand to politely kiss the back of it. “And what name should I use to address the majestic creature before me?”

She blushed, fluttering her lush, feathery eyelashes with delight. “Officially, I’m Marjorie Potts, but a handsome gent such as yourself can call me Tracy.”

A grin tugged at the corner of Louis’s lip. “Tracy it is,” he replied.

She sighed happily, looking him over. “Well, Dana’s off getting lunch sorted, so if you’re looking for her, you’ll have to wait, I’m afraid,” she said, pulling a chair up for him, indicating he should sit. “Could I get you some tea?”

“That would be delightful,” Louis said, taking the offered chair. “I haven’t had a proper cup of tea in quite some time.”

“I can only imagine,” Tracy said with a knowing smile and a wink. She patted his cheek gently. “Other than the tea, did you have a nice holiday?”

Louis was mildly discombobulated by the woman before him, but he didn’t mind that so much. There was something about the way she did so that put him at ease. “I did, thank you,” he said, watching as she busied herself at the kettle on the side. He watched in amusement as she gently spoke to the teacup.

“That's it, darling. Take your time. There's no rush,” Tracy said as she looked down into the steaming cup. She turned to look conspiratorially at him. “The trick to making a truly perfect cup of tea is to coax out the tea's natural essence and subtle flavors by ever so gently vocalizing your desire.”

Louis smiled broadly. “You have to make the tea feel comfortable to steep in your passion,” he said, absolutely charmed.

Tracy nodded, turning back around to continue her ministrations. “Cream and sugar, dear?”

“Actually, is there any—”

“Lemon?”

Louis took in a breath as if to speak, furrowing his brows. “That’s exactly what I was about to ask for.”

She smiled politely, lifting her eyebrows slightly in amusement as she twisted the lemon wedge before placing it on the saucer next to his cup to hand over to him.

It was almost too hot to drink, but not quite, which was just as he preferred it. His eyes practically rolled back in his head with a quiet moan of delight at the first sip. “This is, without a doubt, the _best_ cup of tea I’ve had in _months_.”

Tracy pulled up a chair to sit next to him, placing her own cup of tea on the desk to let cool a bit more. She patted his knee. “You take your time and enjoy it, love. It’ll help you get your bearings now that you’re back.”

“Now that I am back,” Louis began, “am I to assume you were Dana’s previous employer?”

“I am,” she preened.

“I’d like to thank you for stepping in to help. From the looks of things, everything seems to be in order, though I’ll have a better idea once I get a look at the books and have a chance to set up a meeting with everyone.”

“Oh, rest assured, love, I took good care of your team, Mr. E,” Tracy said, suddenly clapping her hands with a laugh. “Well, how about that? Mr. E, _mystery_. That’s fun,” she said happily, handing him one of the ledgers she had been working on when he came in.

Louis smiled warmly at Tracy. He took a moment to look over the books for the time he was gone, and was duly impressed with her work. He had hoped to keep her on in some form as an advisor, and possible substitute so that he might start taking more time off, as had been recommended by both his sibling and his doctors.

Louis closed the book, placing it on the desk before steepling his fingers together as he looked into her eyes. “What would you say to an ongoing business relationship? I could use someone with your talents, intelligence, and exceptional charm on my team.” Louis gave her a quick wink. “And you make an excellent cup of tea.”

“Oh, you silver-tongued devil, you,” Tracy said with a grin. “As a matter of fact, there was something I wanted to discuss with you. Have you ever heard of the Jezebels?”

Louis leaned back in his chair, pleased at the direction the conversation was headed. “I have indeed. Would you be interested in a sponsorship?”

Tracy’s face shifted into that of a shrewd business woman as she regarded him. “As a matter of fact, I _would_.”

“I like you, Tracy,” Louis said with a grin. “I’m certain we’ll be able to come to an arrangement.”

Louis had only been back to work for a few weeks when the day he had been dreading came in late August. He put his earbuds in and went to work at distracting himself.

_There are days I might not make it  
There are days I might start breakin'_

He hadn’t been able to step foot in Warlock’s room since he returned. He had no idea what it looked like at this point, and he wasn’t prepared to find out. Not sober, at least.

_When the rain starts coming down as heavy as the air  
You can find me dancing with the spirits  
In the square, God damn, I swear_

Louis slept on the couch in his personal office the night before. He couldn’t stand the thought of being alone in a place with the memory of the people he loved and missed attached to every surface.

_There are times I feel like givin' in  
There are times I begin to begin again  
Look outside the world keeps spinning like a paddle wheel  
Rolling for the broken-hearted waiting on the heal_

It was something he could handle most of the time, but not on this day. He couldn’t bear to wake up on Warlock’s birthday knowing every room in his home, rooms once filled with the glowing warmth of love and laughter, were now dark, cold, and empty.

_You know I'm not in the clear  
You are not in the clear  
Don't you go count me out now dear_

Louis had just returned from collecting receipts from the lounge and sat down at his desk when he smelled the once familiar scent of roses and apples.

_There are places I don't remember  
There are faces I don't remember_

“Are you back?” Louis asked, not looking up at the figure in the doorway.

_  
How could I forget you painting stars into the sky?  
Coming like a rebirth marching in a second line_

“No,” Crowley said.

_You know I'm not in the clear_

“Then why are you _here_?” Louis asked, still not looking up.

_You are not in the clear_

“You _know_ why," Crowley replied.

_  
Don't you go count me out now dear_

Louis continued to work on his receipts while Crowley stood in the doorway.

_And if I should drown  
May this be the sound  
To wash me out_

When Crowley didn’t leave, Louis took his earbuds out and gestured towards a chair.

“You’re looking well,” Crowley said, sitting down.

“I’m still upset with you for leaving the way you did,” Louis said, not looking at him as he opened his desk drawer to put away the receipts and paperwork. “But I ’ve missed you.”

Crowley sat back in his chair, crossing his arms and looking to the ceiling. “Yeah, well, I’m still upset with _you_ for _why_ I needed to do that, but I’ve missed you, too.”

Louis softened. “In spite of that, you know you’re always welcome here, don’t you?” Louis asked, standing up to open a cupboard off to the side. He pulled down two glasses and a cut crystal decanter filled with a deep amber colored liquid.

Crowley eyed the bottle warily. “I _don’t_ know that,” he said quietly.

Louis finally looked at him. “Why?”

Crowley took off his sunglasses, placing them on the desk. He leaned forward and scrubbed his hand across his face, taking a deep breath. “I really don’t think today is the day to discuss that.” Crowley pointed towards the bottle. “Are you certain that’s a good idea after what happened the last time I was here?”

“I’ve had some time to process things since then, Crowley,” Louis said, stoppering the bottle before pouring anything. “I haven’t touched a drop, nor have I taken anything recreationally, since then. I haven’t felt the need to in a long time. I’m all right, Crowley.”

Crowley looked at him, considering, before leaning back in his chair to relax.

“Would you forgive me if I did indulge today? I have no interest in getting blackout drunk again, but I’d very much like to not think too hard about things for the rest of the day. You’re welcome to join me. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you did.”

Crowley sighed. “I _did_ come here with the intention of staying for a bit.”

Louis reached for the phone on his desk. “Shall I have your room prepared? I’ve kept them both empty for you if you ever came back.”

“No, no,” Crowley said, waving his hands. “I’m not _staying_ staying. I only meant for tonight. Your pull-out couch over there is fine if it becomes overnight.”

“Are you hungry? You can have anything you like. I’ll have the kitchen bring us something.”

“I could eat.”

“Good. I think I might like to put something on my stomach before I get too far into this,” Louis said, re-opening the decanter to pour a small amount into both glasses. “And I do hate to eat in front of someone who isn’t.”

Crowley visibly relaxed, leaning forward onto his elbows. “So, what are we drinking?”

“This is a thirty-five-year-old Talisker,” Louis said, sliding a glass across the desk.

“Ooh,” Crowley noised happily. “I’ve always had an affinity for Talisker,” he said, swirling the liquid in his glass and closing his eyes to inhale the aroma.

Louis smiled as he picked up his own glass. “I remember.”

The two of them ended up in the floor, tipsy as they leaned against the wall, shoes off, with an assortment of plates of bite sized foods surrounding them. They were on their second bottle of whiskey between them.

“What’s that one?” Louis asked, watching Crowley shove something wrapped in dough into his mouth.

“I don’t know,” Crowley struggled to speak as he chewed. “But it’s delicious and you can’t have any.”

“That’s not very nice,” Louis pouted, taking another drink.

Crowley swallowed. “No, no, it’s not like that. I think it might’ve been beef. Definitely some sort of mince.”

“Oh!” Louis perked up. “Oh, thank you, then,” he said, sorting through the plates. “I told them to give us a variety since it wasn’t just me, but I didn’t think everything would look the same.”

“Shall I be the king’s official taster?” Crowley grinned, reaching on the desk for a pad of sticky notes and a pen.

“Proceed,” Louis said, animatedly rolling his hand with a flourish.

“Gladly,” Crowley said, moving the plates around in a row before him. “Now, with these little bun thingies,” he said shoving another one in his mouth, “It’s probably safe to assume each plate has one type.”

“Is that your scientific opinion?”

“Empirical research tells me that this one is also mince,” Crowley said as he chewed. He wrote the word mince on a sticky note and stuck it to the edge of the plate. After taking bites of several, he had marked plates as _probably chicken_ , _might be mushroom_ , _tomato balsamic_ , _fuck this is terrible_ , and _cabbage_.

Crowley pushed all of the ones without meat towards Louis and the ones with questionable contents towards himself, leaving one plate in particular as far away as possible.

“What’s in that one?” Louis asked.

“It might be socks,” Crowley said with a disgusted wrinkle of his nose.

Plates cleared away, and having long switched from whiskey to water, they lay on opposite sides on the pull-out couch talking through the dark of the night.

“I’m doing okay right now, but I don’t, I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the winter, Crowley,” Louis whispered, adjusting his head on the pillow to face Crowley better. “I don’t want to be _that_ person, but I don’t think I’ll be able to look at a single decoration without thinking about everything.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s difficult,” Crowley said quietly, his voice barely carrying across the half-meter between them. “Christmas morning is going to be the worst.”

“You could come back,” Louis reminded him.

“I’m not ready for that,” Crowley sighed. “At least not yet. Not today, anyway.”

“But maybe someday?” Louis asked hopefully.

“Maybe,” Crowley nodded against his pillow.

“I’m likely to drop off at any moment,” Louis said with a yawn. “Were you going to stay for tonight, at least?”

“Y-yeah,” Crowley said, pulling the blanket up some. “I’m pretty knackered myself. Probably for the best that I sleep here.”

“Good.”

“I, uh, I’ll probably head out tomorrow after lunch so I can get back on the road.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been doing some traveling, since, well, since I left. Trying to figure things out, get my head on straight, and all that. I, um, I-I only came back to London to check on you. I was worried about, well, about how you’d handle today,” Crowley explained.

“Thank you for doing that,” Louis said with a half-smile and a quick exhale.

Crowley covered his eyes with his hand. “And I was worried about how I’d handle it, too,” he whispered through a clenched jaw.

“I’m glad you came.”

“It really has been nice talking to you again,” Crowley whispered, uncovering his eyes.

“Hmm,” Louis hummed sleepily. “I meant what I said before, that you were like family to me.”

“Goodnight, Louis,” Crowley said, rolling over.

“Goodnight.”

Louis tried to stay ahead of his growing depression, but he was finding it more difficult to do so as the hot summer days turned into brisk autumn evenings and cold winter nights. One particularly miserable late night, meteorologically speaking, he found himself unable to sleep. He made his way to the living room, settling in on the couch with a whiskey and water in his hand and feet up in an attempt to lose himself in an album.

_When I counted up my demons  
Saw there was one for every day  
With the good ones on my shoulder  
I drove the other ones away_

In hindsight, this might not have been the feel-good song Louis was expecting it to be.

_So if you ever feel neglected  
And if you think all is lost  
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah  
Hoping everything's not lost_

Louis had so many things to regret. There was a time in his life, years ago, where he’d have thought regret would have been impossible, for him, anyway. It was a useless concept, he thought, the idea that a decision he made might turn out to be the _wrong_ thing.

_When you thought that it was over  
You could feel it all around  
Everybody's out to get you  
Don't you let it drag you down_

He had always been so _sure_ in his actions all of his life. But after the past few years, after losing almost everyone he held dear, he was no longer certain of anything.

_'Cause if you ever feel neglected  
If you think all is lost  
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah  
Hoping everything's not lost_

Louis’s brow furrowed when he felt his phone vibrating on the cushion beside him. “It’s awfully late for anyone to be calling on _this_ numb—"

_Singing out oh oh oh yeah  
Oh oh yeah  
Oh oh yeah  
Everything's not lost_

He sat up quickly upon seeing the text.

> **Hey**
> 
> **Can we talk?**
> 
> **Of course. When?**
> 
> **Morning**
> 
> **I don’t know what  
>  time I’ll get into  
>  London.**
> 
> **Where are you?**
> 
> **omw**

Louis put the phone down and let out the breath he had been holding.

_Sing out yeah  
Everything's not lost_

He rubbed his eyes, leaning back as the next song began to play.

_Now I never meant  
To do you wrong  
That's what I came here to say_

Louis wondered how the conversation would go. He hoped it would go well, obviously, but he had no idea what to say.

_But if I was wrong  
Then I'm sorry  
I don't let it stand in our way_

Whatever happened, Louis intended to listen. He didn’t want to repeat the mistakes of his past. He wanted to do better this time.

_As my head just aches  
When I think of  
The things that I shouldn't have done_

He was sick of regrets.

_But life is for living  
We all know  
And I don't want to live it alone_

Louis never meant to drive those he loved away.

It would be _different_ this time. He would do _better_. He had to.

He would _listen_ , and that would _make_ … _  
_ “No,” Louis said out loud as he stood up to pace around. “That’s the problem. I can’t keep trying to _make_ people behave as I want them to. I can’t make someone love me.”

_'Cause in the end  
There's only us  
And oh my friend  
There's only love_

“That’s not love. That’s coercion. It isn’t real, and it isn’t fair to anyone.”

_And in the cave  
They're timing us  
'Cause in the end  
There's only love_

Louis vowed to make more of an effort to _listen_ this time.

The nervous excitement in him pushing him even further away from sleep than he had been before the text, after pacing around his flat for a few hours, he decided to take a walk around the property and have a cigar. As he walked through the falling snow, a rarity for December in London, he saw one of the vehicles in the car park was running. As he walked nearer, he noticed a bundled-up figure rubbing their hands together inside. Upon closer inspection, he saw the back of the car was filled with an assortment of bags and boxes. The shock of red hair spilling out from between the folds of a blanket drew his attention up to the serpent tattoo visible from beneath a knit hat.

Louis knocked gently on the window.

Crowley startled, gripping what appeared to be a bat beneath the blanket wrapped around him.

“Relax, it’s me, Crowley,” Louis said. “Come on. Let’s get you inside where it’s warm.”

Shivering, Crowley turned off the engine and opened the door, reluctantly leaving the blanket behind.

“I can _hear_ your teeth chattering, Crowley,” Louis said, opening his coat to wrap around Crowley as they walked towards the hotel. “You’ve _never_ liked the cold. Why were you sitting out here?”

“I didn’t think you’d still be up. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Why didn’t you wait to come until the morning, then?”

“Wouldn’t have mattered. Would have been the same regardless of where I was parked,” Crowley answered as they walked inside.

Louis stopped, thinking about what he saw in the car. It didn’t look freshly packed at all. He stepped in front of Crowley and put his hands on his shoulders. “Where were you staying before you came here tonight, Crowley?”

“I haven’t thawed enough to have this conversation yet, Louis.”

Louis sighed. “All right. You’ll come up and have a hot bath, and I’ll make you some tea, and—”

“Slow down. The tea is good, but—”

“But _nothing_. Now I know what you said about me not listening, and you’re right. But _right now_ , you’re frozen solid. This has nothing to do with anything more than the immediate need to get you warm and comfortable enough to sort your thoughts, all right?”

Crowley groaned. “Okay, fine, yeah, you’re right. I'm too fucking cold to think straight.” The fact that he was still shivering helped him with that realization.

After Crowley got out of the bath and put on some of Louis’s pajamas, he wrapped up in multiple blankets on the couch with a mug of Earl Grey, holding it like a lifeline.

“Tell me what’s going on, Crowley. Dana mentioned something about you living in your car before. Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?”

“In my defense, the last time I did it, I was much younger and it seemed a lot more bohemian. I wasn’t expecting it to be so blasted _cold_ to just be December, either.”

Louis sighed, cocking his head to the side with exasperation. “Is there anything I can do to get you to stay here in the hotel?”

“You can give me a job.”

“Done. _Anything_ you want to do. Doesn't matter. You'll have your pick.”

“I was hoping I could play in the lounge again."

“Absolutely. Any schedule you like. You tell me what you need and I’ll make that happen.”

“What about the people already working?”

“You let me worry about that.”

Crowley looked at him skeptically.

“No,” Louis shook his head. “No, that doesn’t count. I’m the boss. I’m _supposed_ to make those decisions on scheduling and staffing, but no, I’m not going to screw anyone over on your behalf. I’m going to talk to the others while I figure out how to work you into the rotation.”

“All right, then,” Crowley said.

“And you’ll have to wait to start until the new schedules come out. I’m not going to change things that have already posted, since someone may have already made plans around it.” Louis reached for Crowley’s empty tea cup.

Crowley nodded in agreement, handing the cup to Louis.

“But don’t worry, you’ll still get your room and meals until then,” Louis said, pouring more tea from the pot. “I’ll have your room ready for you tomorrow. But for now, all you need to do is relax and be warm. You can stay here tonight,” Louis said, handing the tea to Crowley. “We’ll get everything else sorted in the morning.”

Louis smiled as he opened the door to the lounge, hearing the music being played.

_I wanna hide the truth  
I wanna shelter you  
But with the beast inside  
There's nowhere we can hide_  
  


Louis sat down to watch Crowley as he sang and played. There was something about the way he poured every ounce of emotion into a performance that resonated with Louis. With Crowley back at the Inferno, things were looking up for Louis. He felt so much better having his best friend, and for all intents and purposes, another sibling, back in his life.

 _  
At the curtain's call  
It's the last of all  
When the lights fade out  
All the sinners crawl  
  
_As much as Louis loved the renovations Dana made in his absence, one thing he missed was the chandeliers that cast dozens of stars across Crowley’s hair in the past.

_So they dug your grave  
And the masquerade  
Will come calling out  
At the mess you made_

One of the few flashes of memory he had of that night was that he had smashed it, and the piano, right in front of Crowley. The more Louis thought about it, the more he could understand why Crowley ran the way he did. _  
  
Don't wanna let you down  
But I am hell bound  
Though this is all for you  
Don't wanna hide the truth  
  
_

Louis smiled in spite of himself. It was good to have Crowley back on his stage again. It felt like having one of the missing pieces back on the board.

_  
No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come_

It still amazed him sometimes, how far he had come since hitting such a low point in the spring.

_When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide_

He still had a few bad days now and then, but the same could be said for anyone, couldn’t it?

_Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide_

As happy as he was to have Crowley back, he was still missing some vitally important pieces, left only with the jagged edges surrounding remaining border where bits of his heart and soul had been ripped out and flown across an ocean.

_  
They say it's what you make  
I say it's up to fate  
It's woven in my soul  
I need to let you go  
  
_

He wasn’t certain if the worst days for him were the ones where he thought about Harriet too much or not at all.

_  
Your eyes, they shine so bright  
I wanna save that light  
I can't escape this now  
Unless you show me how_

Louis took a sip from the glass placed next to him at the bar _._

_It's where my demons hide_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Benedict Cumberbatch is quite particular about his tea](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stxQq0kI4pk)
> 
> Hi!  
> If you follow me on social media, you may have noticed the song list I posted recently is different. That's because this chapter grew bigger than anticipated due to the information that needed to be covered before getting to that point. Those songs are still involved, but _not just yet._ I needed to get Crowley back into the Inferno first.  
> I apologize for the hiatus, but I really needed it. I haven't stopped any of these fics. I just needed a break for a bit both to clear my head with something a little lighter, and to get a few thoughts sorted for the overall project that is M&M. And while I am back to writing in these, please understand that I'm working on multiple WIPs right now (Finders, Keepers, Celestial Spektors, the Music and Manuscripts universe with Soothe The Savage Beast Demons], Ciribiribin [parents], and Broken Wings [Angels] and the upcoming O, Fortuna!) as well as art for multiple zines and projects. Each individual project might not be updating every week, but that's because I have a lot going on and am moving things around in the rotation as I am able to work on them. SOMETHING is getting written and art pieces are being created, even if I can't post them all yet.  
> You might be asking, _"Why don't you just work on one thing at a time, then?"_  
>  WELL, it's because I write when the muse hits, (and sometimes that means writing at the end of the story when the middle hasn't gotten there yet) and art as the project timelines require me to. 
> 
> And I wouldn't have it any other way.  
> <3


End file.
